the girl-next-door chronicles

moved. :D

2005-08-13T17:04:00.000-07:00

I already moved SOMEWHERE ELSE.. please update your links you guys. :)

Thank you, BLOGSPOT. :D

i'm thinking of using my multiply account for good. :)

2005-08-07T12:06:00.000-07:00

The title says it all. Need I say more? :D

Okay, might as well. Looking for layouts in Blogskins has been a big hassle.. so I decided to move elsewhere. In Multiply kasi they give more priority sa photos ng blogger and I've been putting a lot of pics, so I guess.. I'll just move there.

This time it's for real. *wink*

See ya around. Bye, Blogspot. :D

someone.. just someone..

2005-08-07T11:41:00.000-07:00

I realized something today. Just thought I could write it down.

I realized just how much I want someone whom I can talk to. Someone who will understand and who will give me a pat in the back when I need it. Someone who can understand my hang-ups and who will calm me down when Geometry gets frustrating. Someone who won't think less of me when my English grammar is wrong. Someone whom I can make kulit for hours and hours and will not get pikon with me. Someone who will find my pagiging iyakin adorable. Someone who can listen to my crazy rantings and complains and will not be able to make sigaw right in my face. Someone who won't find me selfish and childish when I'm being unreasonable. Someone whom I can tell all my dreams and wishes to. Someone who will understand.. a person who's always ready to give me a big bear hug in this dramatically cold world.

Yeah, I know, I'm SO selfish. But what can I do.. that is just what I NEED.

Now the question is.. where can I find that person?

Pambihira wala naman yatang ganon eh.

"every road leads me back to you.."

2005-08-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

My grandparents flew to the US today. They won't be back until October. *sighs heavily*

I realized something today.. I'm still not okay.

It was stupid of me to think that I was already moving in to that realm of wellness. (Yehes, go Meemay! :P) I am broken. I need an oblivion. This is just too much for me to handle.

I'm not okay.

I don't know if I already posted this song here in my blog but I'll be posting again just so I can sum up how I really feel.

MISSING YOU
FREESTYLE

I've been through so much pain since you left me
I just can't convince myself we're through
Things have been said and done
I guess it's over; NOW YOU'RE GONE..

It's true when they say that lovers come and go
But deep in my heart I just wanna let you know
The love that we once shared
Is everything that there's nothing to compare..

Chorus:
'Coz I'm missing you so bad
Now that you're not by my side
I GUESS YOU COULD SAY
IT'S ME WHO'S HURTING SO BAD
After all this time,
After all that we've been through..
Baby AREN'T YOU HURTING TOO?

Now that I've lost the power to pretend
I guess you could see right through me..
THIS YEARNIN` I CAN'T EXPLAIN
FEELING I JUST CANNOT CONTAIN
I know someday I'll get over you
It just takes time and some getting used to
Each day I'm feeling blue
EVERY ROAD LEADS ME BACK TO YOU..

[Repeat Chorus]

I know someday I'll get over this. I will be okay.

stereotypical comedy film. not.

2005-08-04T17:21:00.000-07:00

Before anything else, I would like to greet my Grand Dad a HAPPY BIRTHDAY.. Happy Birthday, Papa! Thank you for being strong.. thank you for being a true pillar of strength and for being an epitome of wisdom and intellect.. I'll follow your footsteps.. I promise to do my very best to live up to your expectations.. I love you so much.. :) (As if namang he reads my blogs! Haha!)

Just finished watching Bruce Almighty. It was actually my 2nd time to watch it yet I still cried. My goodness.. I'm so vulnerable. Hehehe. :D

It's more than just a Jim Carrey comedy flick for me. It was an eye-opener. Grabe, astig yung movie.. all along I thought I already surrendered my life to God.. but I was wrong.. I was (and still am) making self-centered choices.. I was playing my OWN game.. in my OWN terms.. I couldn't let Him into my life because it was my choice.. it was because of free will..

Some lines from the film that I find truly remarkable:

"No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up."

"Since when does anybody have a clue on what they want?"

"How do you make somebody love you without affecting free will?"

"You want to see a miracle? BE the miracle."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"I want You to decide what's right for me.. I surrender to Your will!"

Gotta go. Still have to watch Meet the Fockers. :) I'll continue studying later at around 7PM. :D

harry potter and the couch potato

2005-08-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

I'm absent from school today because of.. because of something. Basta. :)

And since I couldn't find anything to do I was literally dying of boredom. (I already finished Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging so there was nothing left to read) When I became desparate, I went inside my brother's room and I looked for some DVDs. When I saw the Harry Potter series, I realized how much I missed drooling over British cutie Daniel Radcliffe.. so there. I asked the maid to buy some chips (I told you. I am guilty of committing the sin of gluttony yet I complain nonchantly about my weight *wink*). I decided to do a Harry Potter movie marathon and I watched all three movies: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and lastly, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. :) It cheered me up, actually. I finally understood some parts of the three movies that I didn't understand before (like, for example, in the 3rd film, why Harry thought it was his Dad who conjured the dementors, etc.) I enjoyed it. This is definitely a day of me-time. :D Although I must admit, I really feel unproductive today. Because of my laziness, I wasn't able to learn anything. I wasted one whole day over nothing.. *sigh* Not over nothing really. There's still a reason. A reason I do not wish to blog about. :)

Anyway..

There was a part in the 3rd movie where Sirius Black, Harry's godfather, said something like this (I'm not quite sure because I didn't take note but it was truly remarkable.. well, at least for me *wink*): "The ones that love us will never leave us."

Oh, `di nga?!

But honestly. Think about it for one second. Maybe it's true. Maybe if a certain person REALLY loves us, then he won't leave us.. right?

Or maybe I'm wrong. My goodness I'm talking gibberish.

Maybe I should just turn into a cynical young woman instead of hoping for nothing. Bwahahaha. :D

Awryt I'll shut up about this. Hehehe.

Change topic. Hehe. You know, I feel blessed for having a true-blue Christian classmate. Hehehe. :D Her name is Jane and she's REALLY great. She IS a young woman after God's own heart. :) She's younger than me but mind you, when she speaks, you really can't help but listen to whatever it is she has to say. She's now my accountability partner in school and we made a pact: we're going to pray for each other's singleness and purity. Hehehe. :) Sometimes the worldly world (Ha? Labo! Still makes sense if you read between the lines :D) is just too tiring and it's great to have a friend (outside of Church) who is a real Christian in such a rotten world. :D

Okay, this is enough.. bye! :)

mistakes.. oh, mistakes.

2005-08-02T17:57:00.000-07:00

It's haunting me. Again.

Now I have to accept the fact that I am suspended with a broken past and future that isn't so appealing.

Mistakes.. pambihira. I hate that word.

POST SCRIPT: There are two secret compartments in this blog of mine. If you find it, then congratulate yourself -- I write A LOT of restricted stuff there. Not THAT restricted though. Just a little bit. I'm not crazy. Hahaha. :D

"so blessed, i can't contain it.. so much i gotta give it away."

2005-07-31T01:34:00.000-07:00

I'm not in the mood for narrating. Hahaha.

Maybe I'll just blog again tomorrow.

Your love has taught me to live now.. You are more than enough for me.

crazy peeps

2005-07-29T03:56:00.000-07:00

My classmates made lakwatcha last Wednesday (wash day) and went to Gateway. Akalain mo nakarating sila dun? And to think they just commuted! :D Ang cute nga ng pics nila eh..

Ang kulet.. GATEWAY TOH! IWAN KAYO! :D

Haha. Nang-inggit pa eh. *wink*

Anyway..

We went to Maidah's place today. Wala lang. Kwentuhan.

Periodical exams are nearing and the pressure's heating up. Bwaha. :D But I'm enjoying every bit of it. :)

I'm reading two books right now. Mr. Right and Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging. Cuties. Hehehe. :P

Buh-bye. :)

the breakup diaries

2005-07-28T18:28:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday, Teacher Barrera! :D How I miss you.. *sniff*

Just read Meemay's copy of The Breakup Diaries by Maya Calica. It's so CUTE. :D So can relate. Not like I've been in a breakup or anything. NBSB, remember? *winky wink* Basta. :P And the author is Pinay pa so the atmosphere and kwento is very much Pinoy in flavor. But it's not your typical Pinoy mushy ek-ek. :D Maya Calica is Editor-In-Chief of Seventeen Philippines mag, by the way.

There's a really cute part when Beach, one of the male protagonists, recited a sweet poem to Monica, the female bida while they were in Boracay. Here it is: "What I'd give to see what you see now without the world spinning.. Out on the water I watch a myriad of diamonds bounce of foamy waves.. They sparkle in the moon glow for a split second only to get swept away by waves crashing at the shore. If you listen to your heart, you'll hear the swell of the sea whisper secrets meant only for you and me.."

Yeah, I know what my guy classmates are prolly thinkin` right now. Mababaw nanaman ako. Sige na, tanggap ko na. Lagi naman eh. Wahaha joke! :D

The whole novel revolved around Monica and how she survived a breakup. At first it involved denial, lack of sleep, and over-analyzing the situation. But in the end everything went okay for her. She was able to move on, even if hotshot eagle Itos dumped her.

Now I'm thinking about using this novel for my book report.

Oops, nuh-uh, that would probably be an academic suicide. *giggles*

Never mind that. :D

self-reliance

2005-07-27T17:46:00.000-07:00

First all, I would just like to greet this guy right here:

Happy 15th Birthday, Martin! :D

Hey pare, happy birthday! I know I always make taray and all, but that's just because you always kurot my nose. Wahaha. :D Minsan na ngang nagka-pasa ng dahel sa kurot mo eh. *wink* Pero despite all of it, I want to let you know that I'm just here. It's great to be your friend. I'm SO proud of the person you've become. (Math wizard na, bassist pa ng banda! :D) Again, happy birthday! Matanda ka na Kuya, so act your age, okay? Take good care of yourself always :)

Anyway..

I just came from school. We took a bite over at Rainbow Building before heading home.

You're prolly wondering about the title. Well, we're reading a new selection for English class which is entitled Self-Reliance and I enjoyed Teacher Erik's discussion a while ago. He started by asking us a question. His intro? "When do you consider a person matured?" The whole class had a lot of insights and point of views. All in all, we enjoyed it. [I'm playing Hebe for the Hercules play, by the way. Siya yung anak ni Hera (portrayed by Clarisse) na makakatuluyan ni Hercules (which will be portrayed by Ronnel) sa ending. It's just a really small part but I'm really glad I had it anyway. Just being in the play and be able to act is too much of a blessing already. :)] Anyway, back to my topic.. my gawsh I'm such a malabo blogger. Wahehe. :D

Here is my favorite part in the selection: "Trust thyself; every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place that divine providence has found you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events. Great men have always done so, and confided themselves childlike to the genius of their age, betraying their perception that the absolutely trustworthy was seated at their heart, working through their hands, predominating all their being."

Hay..

Ayt, this is enough. I'll blog again later.. :D

dazzled

2005-07-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

I sit here thinking about how cute he looked while playing basketball. Sheesh. Just when I thought I was completely over him.. I'm going to feel this way. My gawd. This is SO not cool. :s

My conversation with Marielle while watching the basketball tryout:

Abbie: Yel, ang cute niya..
Yel: Sobra.
Abbie: Parang gumaling siya mag-baskeball noh..
Yel: Ayos lang. Oo nga, gumaling siya. Dati hindi shooter yan eh.
Abbie: *impressed that the guy is now a shooter* Yel, may na-realize ako while watching him play..
Yel: Ano?
Abbie: *teary-eyed* Mahal ko parin siya.
Yel: *snorts and gusto nakong batukan* Oohh, ayan, gago!

I guess what my sis in soul meant by that is why did I even let go of the guy in the first place? It was a stupid, stupid mistake. I was young. I didn't know what I was doing. My goodness. Pambihira. Why am I blogging about this?

anxious.. my gawd.

2005-07-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

NEWS BREAK: A man from the past (and I'm not just talking about this month's ek-ek.. this guy is from WAY BACK).. making a HUGE comeback.

It's coming back. It really IS coming back! The old feeling's haunting me again.

Omigod omigod omigod. *anxious and walks around like crazy*

`Nuff said.

I updated my Multiply account, by the way.

I only got myself to blame..

feeling gothic wink

2005-07-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

My brother and I were on our good ol` crazy and bangag selves last night. It was because I kept telling him that I wanted a new image. He answered, "Gusto mo ng bagong image? Sige, gawin kitang Evanescence!" He ruined my newly-ironed hair and drew some scary black lines on my eyes. And so there. He made me look like a rakista and took pictures of me. I felt so Green Day-ish with how I looked. Bwahahaha. WORD OF CAUTION: These pictures of mine will cause nightmares. :D

MY GAWD. Ang scary. Hindi naman mukhang Satanic. Mukhang patay lang eh. Hahahaha. :D BTW, please don't mind the craziness of this entry. Don't get the impression that I'm REALLY going to change my image. Nyahaha. :P

Anyway..

No classes today because of President GMA's State of the Nation Address. Oh yeah, long weekend. I just LURVE rest days. [Well who doesn't?] *wink*

Gotta run. :D

"i needed my tears to see You clearly.. i needed my pain to feel You near me.."

2005-07-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

Got those words from Ate Julie's song. :) She sang it at service today and Ate Ai told me it was REALLY that line in the song that struck her.. and I realized that those lines are SO true. I needed to get hurt and feel a deep pain before realizing that God IS there. *wink*

Enough said. :)

I spent the entire day with LC. Oh yeah.. IT WAS FUN. :D I haven't felt that enjoyment in church since.. since IT happened [whatever IT is. Sheesh. :D]. We had our usual sharing moments. Some of which are very much affecting and heart-breaking [aww.. we love you SO MUCH, Ate Reciel! *sniff*]. We also had our kulitan moments. After today, I realized how BLESSED I am to have these sisters. ALL OF THEM. :) Their presence in my life shows that God loves me enough to give me sisters whom I can share my spiritual walk with. I'm so excited to have more COC sessions with them! :D

And also, it made me realize how much I've been unaware of the things that are happening to my original bestfriend.. Anding, sorry talaga ah.. I didn't know. I'M SORRY. Looking forward to more bonding and sharing time with you, bespwen.. :)

Gotta run. :D

"I needed my tears to see You clearly.. I needed my pain to feel You near me."

multiply account

2005-07-22T17:21:00.000-07:00

Uploading pictures in Photobucket and posting it here has been very much inconvenient for me so I just decided to create a Multiply account, just like Mitch. :) Click HERE to see it. It's still empty though. I'll be putting new pics there, soon. To my schoolmates: you guys just make nakaw whatever pic you want. After all, puro mukha niyo namang lahat yun eh. Ahehe. Okay okay? :D

Bye everyone. I'll edit this entry later. `Till then. *hugs and kisses*

smiling because of somebody

2005-07-20T09:10:00.000-07:00

Due to insistent public demand, I'm giving you back..

28 THINGS I WANT IN A HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND Revised Edition *wink* :D

1. Kind **
2. Great sense of humor
3. The greatest supporter of my dreams.. My own rah rah boy! **
4. Passionate about his work/studies **
5. Sweet and malambing -- loves to touch and hold me all the time
6. Is a little boy at heart -- has child's innocence and innate trust in the world
7. Highly-tolerant; open-minded **
8. Is sweet to his mother
9. Well-read **
10. Loves to travel and see the world
11. Remembers things I say, even the ones I've already forgotten I've said
12. Someone who always looks after my welfare **
13. Has a great deal of respect for women **
14. A hopeless romantic
15. Loves to give me back rubs
16. Smells good!
17. Loves my family and friends **
18. Fiercely loyal and honest **
19. Someone who dresses well, knows what looks good on him
20. Doesn't smoke nor drink hard liquor **
21. Someone who openly considers me his bestfriend
22. Someone who surprises me with nice, little, meaningful presents
23. Outdoorsy and athletic
24. Has wonderful, expressive eyes
25. Has nice little crinkles at the corners of his face when he smiles
26. Courageously pursues his dreams **
27. Shares the conviction I have that the brits are the world's best lyricists *wink*
28. Thinks me the smartest, the funniest, and the most intoxicating girl in existence!

Talking to someone made me realize that it's not conceited nor arrogant to set up standards when choosing God's best. There's nothing wrong about wanting someone who seems perfect. This guy definitely made me feel better. His words: "Everyone is brilliant. Some people are just more diligent. Everyone has a chance to be the best. You just have to learn to take it.." I feel so glad to have him as my friend. :) I know a lot of people find his over confidence a bit annoying.. but you know what.. honestly.. I find it cute. It's not everyday that you meet a guy who DOES NOT fish for compliments ALL THE TIME and DOES NOT pretend he doesn't think of himself highly. Let's face it, most guys are egoistic and and narcissistic. I'm not referring to ALL MEN, per se. It's just that this guy is different.. when he talks, I listen. And I just don't know why. There are only five guys that I listen to when they give advice. And now, this person comes and changes me and gives me a whole new perspective about things. How I wish I could have his mindset. He reminds me of my brother. Just like my brother, he too, is so intellectually stimulating. Too bad.. basta. Too bad. Period. Okay I'll stop talking. *wink* :D

Anyway..

We watched Hamlet the other day. We actually watched the Ethan Hawke version. Grabe, ang astig niya. :) My brother said it's a character-study. And he was right. The characters are all three-dimensional and hindi mababaw. Astig si Shakespeare. Hahaha. :D

Chatting with Pakner by the way. Sharing time again. *wink wink* I'm actually telling him that I need a change of atmosphere and I might undergo certain changes this year regarding church. He's telling me the difference between MARK and PAO. Si PAO, madrama. Si MARK, tawa nang tawa. Bakit ganon? Lagi na lang si PAO yung nakakausap ko. Hahaha. How I wish maibalik na si MARK. I miss MARK. Haha. Pao, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I want MARK back. I want the vibrant and carefree MARK more than the PAO who is filled with kadramahan and sadness. Hahahaha. Ang drama. :P

"Love is weakest when there's more doubts than trust.. and strongest when you learn to trust despite the doubts.." - Pao-slash-Pakner :)

Gotta go.. I'm absent again, by the way. *sighs like there's no tomorrow*

gibberish thoughts

2005-07-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

Got kind of bored so I just decided to update my blog. Yeah, you guys are right. I WILL NEVER EVER STOP BLOGGING NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I SAY I WILL.. man, I'm such an addictus. :D

Anyway.. I'm absent from school today because I just came back from Tarlac. Uncle Bayani Bautista died last week. Gawd, when we went there, we realized how prominent and high-profile he REALLY is. And to think that he's really humble and down-to-earth! At first glance you wouldn't think he's super yaman kasi he's just very simple `pag manamit. He's my Grandpa's first cousin sa Father's side. From what my Grandma and Mom told me, the two of them were very close eversince they were young. Yung tipong kay Papa Lolo nagpapagawa ng love letters noon si Uncle Bay. I guess that's why my Grandpa's really affected. I mean, who wouldn't be, right? If you lose your bestfriend, what WOULD you feel? They grew up together. My Grandpa's not supposed to feel bad because of his heart condition nga. Buti hindi na siya naiyak lalo. I'm actually very proud of him for being strong. All of us got worried about him.

Got pics by the way:

Chut and I last Sunday. :)

Kami ni Pakner. :D

On our way to the Cemetery. My tears just finished falling by that time. *wink* I can't believe I still managed to smile. Oh well. We all know that behind those smiles are.. okay I'll stop talking. *wink again*

Anyway..

Obviously, my layout's new. I was listening to Life House's You and Me while browsing through Blogskins. I was looking for a JoJo lay and when I couldn't find any, I got desparate and so I typed the keyword LIFEHOUSE. I found this and I decided to use it. Hahaha. :D So much for the walang ka-kwenta kwentang kwento. You know, this song reminds me so much. My gawd, what am I talking about? Should I even be blogging about this? I just NEVER learn..

But in a way, I feel happy. I am SO free from pain and animosity. I feel so GOOD knowing that I don't have to worry about anyone eating their lunch or sleeping at the right time. I feel so free from all negativity and resentment. But I know this is for the best. God has a purpose and a plan. He has a reason why He put me in this circumstance. How I wish I could have my Mom's mindset. She has always been very optimistic about everything. I've been reading my friends' blogs and Meemay's caught much of my attention. This is an excerpt from her dramatic-yet-so-true entry. "why is it that my heart keeps on betraying me? all this time i presumed i was moving in into that realm of wellness, but little did i know i was actually dwelling in a labyrinth of lies. my heart made me believe i was totally over him.. the old feeling keeps on haunting me now.. it makes me long for him again.." [My gawd, Meems, kailangan bang mag-blog nang ganyan?! Tamang-tama naman ako.. Haha! Joke! Omigosh sis, we're on the same ground! Magka-damay tayo! Love yah, sistah! :) *hugs and kisses*] Just like Meemay, my heart keeps on betraying me too. One minute I'm totally and completely over him and the next I find myself wanting to text him. Jeez. So much for the would-be oblivion.

Bahala na.

OH WELL by Boyz II Men

Since you've been gone I've been lonely
Longing to be with you only
Maybe there is still a way I can find you and say
Just how I feel..
I can't believe that's it's over
Wish somehow I could have showed her
All that was inside of my heart instead of playing the games
You might have stayed
Funny just the other night I was thinking
I wonder if you ever think about me
I call you on the phone, there's no answer
Oh well, there's still tomorrow
Oh well, I'll try again
Oh well, maybe just maybe..
Since you've been gone I've been lonely
Longing to be with you only
If there's a way I could beg you to stay would you please
Stay with me?
I was thinking maybe I could come over
Hoping we could finally work this out
Even if tonight we don't find an answer
Oh well, there's still tomorrow
Oh well, I'll try again
Oh well, maybe just maybe..
If I had another chance
We would stand hand in hand
You'll be my girl and I'll be your man
Oh well, maybe just maybe we can..
I still call you on the phone still no answer
Maybe later on I'll try one more time
Or am I just a fool to keep trying?
Oh well, there's still tomorrow
Oh well, a fool's what I am
Oh well, maybe just maybe..
Oh well, there's still tomorrow
Oh well, I'll try again
Oh well, maybe just maybe..
See if I got down on my knees and gave you every little part of me..
Since you've been gone I've been lonely..

Remember the warmth of days gone by..

that's her

2005-07-14T20:39:00.000-07:00

I used this skin again because I won't be laying a hand on this site for a pretty long time.. and so I decided to use my fave skin. :) I'm just really busy with school so I won't be blogging for a while.

I would like to thank EVERYONE who left me a message.. I guess I'm okay.. I'm okay because of YOU GUYS. :) Thanks. I LOVE ALL OF YOU TO BITS. :D

Bye! See yah all later.. :) *hugs and kisses*

:)

2005-07-11T16:56:00.001-07:00

"The zenith of my very existence, the cradle of my very soul. He's in everything I see.. In between all the words I read.. All the songs I hear, and the passion of the music when I play.. The initialization of my very thought, the last image on my head before I sleep.. The light and image that replaced the blackness of one's own closed eyes.. Between every breath I take, every movement of my thought.. My inertia, my undefeated and invincible challenger.. My prozac.. The cause and only cure of my insanity.. The comfort of my pillow, the blue wisps of my sleep, my god of hope.. The other half of my incomplete self.."

this is too much for me to take

2005-07-09T12:07:00.000-07:00

I made a mistake.

Frankly, I'm tired of talking.

You are the best and the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

There. I've said enough.

school play

2005-07-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

What's with the title?! Haha! :D

Anyway.. we had our play today. Ours is entitled Spring Dance. My groupmates are Meemay, RB the boy genius (hehe! *wink*), Robert, Mikhy, Bambie, Kevin, Jedi, etc. :) It has a youth-oriented ek ek feel to it. Haha. One Tree Hill and Beverly Hills 90210 combined. HAHAHA! :D We're quite satisfied with the grade we got naman. And what we didn't know is that today's performance is elimination pala! Turns out, Sir Erik will choose students who will be part of the school play. We all got chosen. Astig! :)

They still don't know what play to do though. We were suggesting Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet nga sana kaya lang ayaw ni Sir Erik ng common and he even said na masyado daw konti yung characters. (My garsh, konti pa ba yun?! Pero sige, wag nang kumontra.. Haha! :P) He wants us to do Death of Hector. Basta, bahala na! Hehe. :D

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY! :D Now I can do everything I want. I can finally have a CSI marathon with my brother. Yehey! :) At least the play's over na. Nabawasan na yung mga aalalahanin ko. There's still our newscasting for Social though. Although JB's the leader and he should be the one worrying, medyo nag-aalala parin ako. Hay nako, bahala na rin! :)

Anyway.. nag-CURL UPS kami kahapon sa PE class. It's for the PPFT. Grabe, hanggang ngayon ang saket ng adipose tissues ko.. hehe. :) We stayed in school until 4:30 PM today because we were supposed to have our ID pictures taken. Everyone stayed in the gym. Unfortunately, bumuhos yung malakas na ulan so hindi na tuloy. Next Monday na lang daw. Oh well. *sighs*

Each and everyone of my family members is watching the news right now as I type this. Man, what's happening to the Philippines na ba? At first I was totally unaware of what's happening. Heck I didn't even know about the whole wiretapped conversation shit everyone was talking about. But when I realized that the situation is a bit serious na, I knew I had to read the newspapers. Haha. :P My grandfather kept on saying kanina pa, "We should not yield to mob rule!" Whatever THAT means. Haha. :) Siguro ang stand lang ng family ko, palitan na yung dapat palitan and let a new government take over. Kahit si Noli pa yan. See, kahit naman walang brains yun and has a lack of experience, CONSTITUTIONALLY SPEAKING, he's still the original and supposed-to-be successor. Kaya sana, yung mga may vested interest, mag-SHUT UP na lang at wag nang umapela pa. For the country's welfare na rin. Diba? Haha. :)

Bye peeps. CSI Miami, CSI Las Vegas, and CSI New York.. here I come! Ngek korney.. Haha! :P

hand in my pocket

2005-07-07T18:44:00.000-07:00

HAND IN MY POCKET
by Alanis Morissette

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I CARE but I'm WORTHLESS
I'm HERE but I'm really GONE
I'm WRONG and I'm SORRY, baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly, baby
I'm SAD but I'm LAUGHING
I'm BRAVE but I'm CHICKEN SHIT
I'm sick but I'm pretty, baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

What it all comes down to, my friends
Is that EVERYTHING'S JUST FINE, fine, fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab..

I just felt like posting that song because I can very much relate to it right now, especially some of the lines that I highlighted. Hahaha. :D Have you ever felt so inadequate in your life? Like, you're trying to do everything you can yet you still feel like your best is never enough? That's how I feel right now. I listened to one of Alanis Morissette's oldest albums, Jagged Little Pill (it's the album's 10th year anniversary, by the way *wink*) and I decided to play Hand In My Pocket. It was supposed to be the OST for Dawson's Creek instead of Paula Cole's I Don't Wanna Wait. Anyway, I played the song and all I could say was, "Teka, nakaka-relate ako dito ah." Hahaha. Just felt like sharing. And you all know how Alanis Morissette writes. All of her songs seem angst-driven and every teenager could relate to them. I know I can. Hehehe. :P

Gotta go. Just blogged to write about how I feel. Haha. :)

confessions of a broken heart.. it hurts yet it's so true.

2005-07-04T19:02:00.000-07:00

"When you've been very much in love with someone, you can't really be friends after it falls apart.. know why? `Coz it hurts to see each other and recall that you both did your best.. BUT IT STILL DIDN'T LAST." :'(

"If you look inside a girl's heart, you'll see how much she cries. There you'll find secrets, promises, and lies.. but what you'll see the most is how hard she tries to stay strong even when nothing's right and everything's wrong.."

I guess the quotes are pretty much self-explanatory, aren't they?

I made a HUGE mistake. I thought I was completely over him.. I thought everything's going to be okay even if he goes away. BUT I WAS WRONG. There I was; thinking I was trying to set things right by following my mind. I made myself believe that I don't care about him anymore. I followed my instincts instead of my heart. I know, I know. I'm the one to blame. Tama na.. Stop pointing fingers, the blame is on me. [Teka, parang kanta yun ah.. HAHA! :)] Seriously though. I know it's my fault. If ever it falls apart, I'm willing to take the blame.

I don't know why I feel this way. I'm only 14 and I know I will still meet a lot of people.. and just like what we always talk about, "Kung para naman kami talaga sa isa't isa.. kami naman talaga eh." If ever it's really God's will for us to be together, edi yun. Months ago, it brought me comfort. Now, I can't even care less even if we're really meant to be together or not. What I care about is TODAY.

You don't know how much this hurts me. *tear*

Don't we all wish "so good" could be forever? Don't we all hope happiness is there to stay? I know I do. Maybe what I need to learn now is to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for what the both of us have become. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today. *tear again* Maybe letting go is not just setting the other person free (in the real sense of it), but it is also setting yourself free from all animosity, revulsion, and resentment that was long kept in your heart. I know I have to let go because bitterness will only weaken the littlest hope and it will only make me more miserable than ever.

Sorry for this crazy outburst.. I just had to let it out. *tear for the third time*

This is enough.

"habang ika`y tulog, ako`y gising -- nakabantay sayo.. kasi mahal kita."

2005-07-02T19:25:00.000-07:00

HALLELUJAH
by Bamboo

Anong balita sa radio at TV?
Ganun pa rin kumakapa sa dilim
Minsa'y naiisip kong umalis na lang dito
Limutan ang lahat, lumipad, lumayo..

Bato bato sa langit
Tamaan wag magalit
Alam naman natin kung sino ang tuso

Sa bawat sumpang umiiyak singil ko ay piso
Sa bawat lumuluhang dukha - alay ko'y dugo

May pag-asa pa kapatid, kaibigan
Hangga't ako'y humihinga may pag-asa pa..

Hallelujah

Sinong sawa? Sinong galit?
Sumigaw ngayong gabi

Hallelujah

Blinded by the light
I could barely see the faces in front of me
Asking me where do we begin
Well for starters from within
I'm ashamed of what I've become in the mirror
The face of my one true enemy
Hallelujah it's a new day
Let take control if I have to take this message door to door
Save myself; save every soul
With permission I make this my personal mission
Save me from the fire.. from the fire..

Ngayong gabi, ako ang sundalo mo
Habang ika'y tulog, ako'y gising, nakabantay sa iyo..
Kasi mahal kita
Tingnan mo pag-ibig ko'y sa iyo lamang

By the way, I would like to greet my doggie, Jobe, a happy birthday! It was her first birthday yesterday. :)

school

2005-07-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

After last week's heartbreaking news, I decided to take a breather muna and just focus on school. And it was a pretty good decision since I had so much fun this week. Here are some pics:

This pic was taken in McDonald's. Obviously. Haha. :) Abstract yan. Bwahaha. :D

Raymond and Justine while we were practicing for our Dance Interpretation. :)

Meemay, sis Yel, moi, Juss, and Jessa. :)

Nicole the MODELO. Hahaha! :P

Martin while playing the guitar. :)

Carlo is the one playing the guitar while in blind fold. Akalain mo ang galing?! Haha. :P

The pretty girls in the studio shots are Ayhiee, Bambie, Karen, Charm, and Jamie. :)

Juss when she played baliw for our Dance Interpretation. BWAHAHAHA. :D She totally fit the part. :P

Wala lang. Hahaha. :P Just felt like sharing the pictures. I think my blog will be full of pictures of SPS Juniors for the next ten months. Hahaha. :)

Anyway..

I chatted with Mark in YM yesterday. Unfortunately, I had to OL because someone had to use the phone. Anyway, we talked about what happened to my friend. And without hesitation, I blurted out these words to him: "Because of what happened to Chel, I realized the importance of TLW. And I learned it the hard way." Oh yes. I did. :( You don't know how much this hurts me. Yung thought lang na may bestfriend since childhood is pregnant, sobrang unbearable na for me eh. :'( I want to cry everytime naaalala ko yun. It hurts. SO MUCH.

That's it.. have to change my lay. Bye everyone. :P

happy and proud :)

2005-06-28T19:16:00.000-07:00

Know why? Because we won 1st place in our dance interpretation for Social! Yey! :D Congratulations to us! Especially to Meemay.. Hey sis! You were more than just a great leader, you were AWESOME! :D Galing! *high five* And kudos to the great minds who choreographed our dance.. my sis in soul, Yel! And the other one.. Haha! Basta! :D Anyway you guys did great! I guess all of us did. Haha. :D I also would like to congratulate the other groups.. I seriously thought we wouldn't win because all of them did great, too. We're all winners. :)

I feel a bit anxious though. I'm one of the participants for the Essay Writing Contest along with RB the boy genius. Haha. :P Anyway, the theme is We Have Come to Worship Him and tomorrow is the orientation. The 1st Prize winner will take home P25,000. Yeah, it's an awful lot of money. Even I was overwhelmed when I heard that. And all my guy classmates were "Abbie, pa-lechon ka naman `pag nanalo ka!" What-ebs! As if naman noh! Andami-daming magaling from other schools. And also, the 1st place piece will be featured in the CLVE magazine, Living for God's Word. I'm not sure if that's the title of the mag.. I didn't read my copy. Haha! :D

I'll post the pix later. :P Still have to do assignments. Hehe. Bye peeps. :D

blogging about nothing.

2005-06-27T18:47:00.000-07:00

I've been staring at the monitor for 3 minutes and I still can't think of something to blog about. Oh, I know! I signed up for a photo album in Tabulas. Check it out. Click here to see my album. Wahehehe. :P

I just came home from school. I had a great time with some of my gal pals. Hahaha.

I'll just blog again when I have something worthwhile to say. Fact of the matter is, I still have a hang over from last Saturday's news.

`Till later.

i'm worried. sigh

2005-06-25T22:39:00.000-07:00

Something made me feel bad today. Last night I received a text from April, my bestfriend from grade school. She asked me, "Abs, nabalitaan mo na ba yung nangyari kay Chel?" I wasn't able to reply because I was sleeping na. So I texted her this morning and I asked her what happened to Rachel Viana, our other kabarkada who also happens to be one of my closest friends EVER. Turns out, she ran away from home because.. she got pregnant. I never met her boyfriend personally but I've been hearing stories about that guy.

It's just so sad because Chel is only 14 and she's got so many things coming for her. She's smart; I know she is. Maybe she just fell in love. I'm so worried about her. I don't know if she's with her boyfriend right now and I don't know their plans but I'm REALLY, REALLY, TERRIBLY WORRIED ABOUT HER. I hope they're keeping the baby. Chel has been very dear to me kasi eh.. since we were young pa.. even before we entered high school.. Actually when I read April's reply, NANG-HINA AKO. My knees felt weak and I had to sit down. Hindi nga ako nakahinga eh. It was so hard to believe.. I couldn't believe it. But it's true. And this is not a dream. It really happened.

This is a message for Chel: Chel, please, umuwi ka na.. I don't know if you're still reading my blogs but if you are, please mag-text ka naman kahit kanino samin.. we're all so worried about you. If you need any help, I'm just here. Kahit financial support pa.. I'm sure my parents would love to help. Kilala ka naman nila e.. I hope you understand that I'm writing to you through my blog kasi you won't respond to ANY of my messages. Please naman sis, umuwi ka na.. nag-aalala na po kami. Please know that we love you and we will take care of you and we will protect you and we're here for you NO MATTER WHAT. Mahal ka parin namin in spite all of it.. and your Mom.. I heard she's very worried na.. Sis, if you're reading this, please.. Umuwi ka na..

tired (but in a good way). :D

2005-06-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

Some of my gal pals just got home. :D The whole time we were in our house we did nothing but eat BBQ and drink coke and goof around and laugh about mababaw things.. and it made me tired! Haha. It's SO worth it though. Hehehe. :)

Anyway.. (have you noticed that I just looove using that word? Haha :D)

I've been listening to my brother's copy of the album Eraserheads Anthology and I liked these two songs VERY MUCH.. they're actually my faves now. Haha. :D

HUWAG MO NANG ITANONG
Hika ang inabot ko
Nang piliting sumabay sayo hanggang kanto
Nang isipan mong parang sweepstakes
Ang hirap manalo
Ngayon, pagdating ko sa bahay
Ibaba ang iyong kilay, ayoko ng ingay
KORO:
Huwag mo nang itanong sa akin
`Di ko rin naman sasabihin
Huwag mo nang itanong sa akin
At `di ko na iisipin
Field trip sa may pagawaan ng lapis
Ay katulad ng buhay natin
Isang mahabang pila
Mabagal at walang katuturan
Ewan ko, hindi ko alam
Puwede bang 'wag na lang nating pag-usapan
[ULITIN ANG KORO]

Ewan ko, hindi ko alam
Puwede bang `wag na lang nating pag-usapan
[ULITIN ANG KORO]
WITH A SMILE
Lift your head, baby don't be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way
You'll get by with a smile
You can't win at everything but you can try
Baby you don't have to worry `coz there ain't no need to hurry
No one ever said that there's an easy way
When they're closing all their doors
They don't want you anymore
This sounds funny but I'll say it anyway
Girl I'll stay through the bad times
Even if I have to fetch you everyday
I'll get by if you smile
You can never be too happy in this life
In a world where everybody hates a happy ending story
It's a wonder love can make the world go round
But don't let it bring you down
And turn your face into a frown
You'll get along with a little prayer and a song
Too doo doo..
Too doo doo..
Too doo doo..
Doo doo doo doo doo doo..
Let me hear you sing it
Too doo doo..
Too doo doo..
Too doo doo..
Doo doo doo doo doo doo..
In a world where everybody hates a happy ending story
It's a wonder love can make the world go round
But don't let it bring you down
And turn your face into a frown
You'll get along with a little prayer and a song
Lift your head, baby don't be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way
You'll get by with a smile
Now it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye

Too doo doo..
Too doo doo..
Too doo doo..
Doo doo doo doo doo doo..

That's it. Gotta go. Have to sleep early. Buh-bye guys. :D

picture perfect! :D

2005-06-23T17:35:00.000-07:00

We got kind of bored after P.E. class so Meemay, Juss, Yel, and I decided to take pictures of ourselves. BWAHAHAHA. :D

That's Jordan in the background. As usual, he made epal again. Haha, kiddin`. :D No offense pare. *hugs*

Nung una medyo pa-sweet epek pa.. :)

Pero `di nag-tagal, nagkakulitan din!

Hanggang sa natuluyan na si Mitch at Justine! Bwahahaha!

Hehehe.. Wat-ebs! :D

Anyway..

We're almost finished with our dance interpretation for Social. Here are the people with roles for the play part:

Justine as Inang Bayan na medyo nabaliw at wala sa sarili at kumakaen ng patay na langaw
Meemay as the batang pulubi
Robert as the maangas adik na nag-bu-burn ng weed
Ernest as the saksakan ng yabang attorney (`di naman gwapo.. peace!) :D
Lara as the mayabang doctor
Jessa as the batang sampaguita vendor
Karen as the prostitute na nag-se-sell ng laman (not literally ah) *wink*
JB as the matandang uugod-ugod na walang pambili ng food at namamalimos
Etc.. etc.. :D

And me? Well, I'm gonna play the role of a sosyalera who makes lait the poor peeps. Kinda bagay, huh? Hahaha. :D But I'm not like that in real life. I will just act. Hahaha. :)) Well basically our play is about people from all walks of life.. people from the Philippines. Both mayaman and mahirap. :D

Have to go.. still have to research Pope Benedict XVI's life story for Christian Living class. Bye, guys. :D

1 2 3 :)

2005-06-21T18:16:00.000-07:00

I couldn't think of a title so that's what I typed. HAHAHAHA. :D

Anyway.. my Dad and I had a cute conversation this morning. Hehehe. Just sharing. Haha. :)

Abbie: Dad, can I ask for one thousand pesos? I need money for this and that and this and that.. [hindi ko na isusulat kung para saan yung pera kasi madami eh].. haha :)
Daddy: I don't have any money right now. I still have to withraw.
Abbie: WHAAATT? *screeches* Daddies NEVER run out of money.
Daddy: Says who?
Abbie: Says me.
*dead air*
Daddy: (notices I'm eating junk food and drinking a glass of Coke for breakfast) Ano ka ba naman? Puro pampataba yang kinakain mo. Chips pa. Alam mo bang nakaka-bobo yan? And soft drinks! `Pag ikaw sumakit yung tiyan mo.. acid yan eh! You're not supposed to eat junk food in the morning.
Abbie: Says who? [I knew what he was going to answer but I asked anyway]
Daddy: Says me.
*dead air again*
Daddy: *sighs* So.. are we going to watch Batman Begins or whut?
Abbie: [stands up and gets excited] Kayo po.. kelan po ba kayo pwede?
Daddy: Anytime baby! :)

I forgave him for not giving me money because he finally had time to take me to the movies. Hahaha. :D Yeah well he's been bugging me matagal na, gustong manuod ng Batman Begins. Peyborit daw kasi niya yun. I think we're going to Gateway tonight to watch the movie. I think. :)

Anyway.. I just came from school. We stayed in school for a little while after class because.. wala lang. SIKWET WALANG CLUE. Hahaha. :D Anyway, Rachel asked if we wanted to eat fish balls and we agreed. Wala lang, for the experience. Haha. It's not like I haven't eaten a fish ball in my entire life.. it's just that we haven't eaten the type of fish ball that's being sold outside. Astig kaya. Masarap. Haha. :)

While we were eating, we saw my sister and she was there to pick me up. Found out that my parents were tinotopak because it was raining hard and didn't want me to go home alone. Sheeeeeesh. Hehehehehe. :D

They still picked us up though. Hahahaha. :)

Gotta go.. still have to look for lyrics. Hehehe. :)

school pics and the couple of the month.. mah-mai and mah-mike! :)

2005-06-20T18:07:00.000-07:00

Here are some pics that have been piling up my computer over the past months. :D

Haha, Anjo! Lakas trip! :D

Ayhiee the Fashionistuhh and Miss Gorgeous awardee. Haha. :)

Carl and Nicole. This was taken last year pa. Take note, this was an exam week. Ang tibay noh? Test tapos piktyur-piktyur. HAHAHA. :D

Cool dudes Androw and Raymond. Look at Drow. Para siyang alalay ni Raymond. Hahahaha! :))

With my soul sistuhh Marielle at McDonald's. Hehehehe.. :)

Ronnel and Aika during Intramurals 2004-2005. :) I miss Aika. *sniff*

There's more to come. Hahaha.

And now.. as I've promised.. here's the Couple of the Year Awardees! Tantananantanan! :D Behold.. your future Kristine Hermosa and Jericho Rosales! Weh, korneh.. :P

That's Maidah and Michael! :D

KIDDING! Nope, they're not together.. I'm just kiddin`! Haha! Maidah was giving Michael some guitar chords. Haha. :))

Anyway.. I'm E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D. We practiced our dance interpretation for Social and we ended up choosing Pag-ibig Sa Tinubuang Lupa. The song's really heart-felt. Hahahahaha. :D

Gotta go. Still have to do some school work. Bye peeps. :)

school stuff, writing, and a very sweet song :)

2005-06-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

IT'S RECAP TIME. :D

Last Friday I took some snap shots of SPS. Here are some:

That's April and Nicole sitting. :)

An overview of the Annex Building. :)

St. Patrick. Hahaha. :D

Ang Talisay. Bow. :) It looks kind of creepy. Hehehe. :D

That was after the 5:00PM curfew, when all the students had to leave the school premises. That's when we took pictures. Hahaha. :D Wala lang. Just felt like sharing. :)

Okay. Enough. Anyway..

I'm a bit sad. And anxious. Haha. Luckily, I'm staying in III-P. Thank goodness. I feel bad for the people who will move though. Arriane, Ayhiee, and Maidah are just a few of my girlfriends who will be moving to III-C. Raymond, Carlo, and Rewmark are a few of my guy friends who are moving, too. Tetchie was crying HARD because she didn't want to leave Karyl. Oh well. It's a bit sad. Now there's only 30 people left in our class. Aww. Just because they were aiming for the stupid academic excellence program thingy all the teachers were bragging about. I understand what they're trying to do though. I know it's for our best. It's just a bit sad.

Anyway, I didn't go to church today. My sis is sick and my Mom had to take care of her. I think we're going to attend Vesper. I think.

I watched Hide and Seek yesterday. The movie wasn't scary. It's waaay beyond scary. It was CREEEEPY. Nakakatakot. Hahaha.

I've also been reading this book my brother gave me.. it's actually about writing. I'm learning a lot from it. Maybe I should just start writing my heart out. Something (or dare I say.. someone?) is making me sad right now. It also stops me from going to church. Tsk tsk. I know it's wrong. It's SO wrong. Now it's really proven na medyo RM din ako. And I have to change that. Ang sama ko na kasi eh.

Maybe I should just focus on writing or something. Maybe I can do it for God after a few years. Hehe. :) I'm actually very interested in fiction. Haha. I should be careful though. Another one of my brother's quotable quotes: "Anyone who blatantly puts sword and sorcery to his work and not even pay a hair of homage to Tolkien is a moron." Bwahaha. :D Oo nga naman.

YOU AND ME
by Lifehouse

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

`Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do,
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

`Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
That I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

`Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
And me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

"I first heard one of Jason Wade's songs, You Belong to Me, on the first Shrek soundtrack. It is disarmingly charming and emotionally honest -- very beautiful. You and Me is another sweet song, with a touch of very charming insecurity."
- user comment :)

Gotta go. Still have to do a bunch of homework. Bye everyone. :) Thanks for taking the time to read my senseless rantings. Haha. :D

_ I'm done crying over you _ Wala lang. BWAHAHAHAHA. :))

changed my lay

2005-06-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I couldn't get rid of the BG music. I don't like it. Hahaha.

Please comment guys. Thanks. Hahaha demanding. :D

the silence; i'm screaming, calling out your name.. :)

2005-06-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

The Day You Said Goodnight
by Hale

Take me as you are,
Push me off the road
The sadness,
I need this time to be with you
I'm freezing in the sun;
I'm burning in the rain
The silence;
I'm screaming,
Calling out your name.
And I do reside in your light
Put out the fire with me and find
Yeah you'll lose the side of your circles
That's what I'll do if we say goodbye.

To be is all I gotta be
And all that I see
And all that I need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight..

The calmness in your face
That I see through the night
The warmth of your light is pressing unto us
You didn't ask me why
I never would have known oblivion is falling down..
And I do reside in your hear
Put out the fire with me and find
Yeah you'll lose the side of your circles
That's what I'll do if we say goodbye..

To be is all I gotta be
And all that I see
And all that I need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight..

If you could only know me like your prayers at night
Then everything between you and me will be all right..

To be is all I gotta be
And all that I see
And all that I need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight..

She's already taken
She's already taken
She's already taken me..
She's already taken,
She's already taken
She's already taken me..
The day you said goodnight..

My blog has turned into a site for lyrics. HAHAHAHAHA. :D

Anyway..

Macky let me borrow her copy of Hale's self-titled debut album (thanks dude! :D). I kept on playing The Day You Said Goodnight, as in paulit-ulit.. `di naman ako nagsasawa. Hahaha. Kuya Paul's probably sick of the song already. HAHAHAHA. :D

Something's bothering me right now. THEY'RE RE-SECTIOING OUR BATCH. AGAIN. Poor, poor us. Just when our class became bonded. Grr. We tried talking to Mrs. Alegado but she won't budge. It's just so bad. All are in place. I'm enjoying my section. And now they're going to ruin everything just because of the late enrollees! But I guess I should just accept it. Everything happens for a reason, right?

I'll go now. Still have to change my lay. Bye peeps. :)

"but you're so far gone that you don't see the hands upheld to catch you.. if i am another waste of everything you dream of, i will let you down."

2005-06-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

IF I AM by 9 Days

So you're standing on a ledge
It looks like you might fall
So far down
Or maybe you were thinking about jumping..
Now you could have it all
If you learned a little patience
For though I cannot fly,
I'm not content to crawl..
So give me a little credit
Have in me a little faith
I want to be with you forever
If tommorow's not too late
But it's always too late when you've got nothing
So you say
But you should never let the sun set on tommorow,
Before the sun rises today

Chorus:
If I am
Another waste of everything you dreamed of,
I will let you down
If I am
Only here to watch you as you suffer,
I will let you down

So you're walking on the edge,
And you wait your turn to fall
But you're so far gone
That you don't see the hands upheld to catch you.
And you could find the fault
In the heart that you've been handed
For though you cannot fly
You're not content to crawl
And it's always too late when you've got nothing
So you say
But you should never let the sun set on tommorow,
Before the sun rises

The answers we find,
Are never what we had in mind
So we make it up as we go along
You don't talk the dreams
I won't mention tommorow
And we won't make those promises that we can't keep..
I will never leave you
I will not let you down
I will never leave you
I will not let you down

Wala lang. :)

Anyway.. we went to Circle C today. Tambay lang. Hahaha. :D I brought a new casing for my phone.. the original one was a bit bulok na kasi eh.

Wala lang. Just blogging about nothing. Hahahaha. :)

coffee addicts and school.. wednesday: wash day :)

2005-06-14T03:13:00.000-07:00

My brother and I bonded at Figaro yesterday. :) He bought a new book in National Bookstore.. I saw Angels and Demons by Dan Brown! I'm actually planning to get a copy once we go back there. Anyway.. I will show you samples of my kabangagan while drinking. HAHAHAHAHA. :D

My brother does not know about this. Sorry Kuya. Hahaha. :))

Anyway..

The long weekend was fun. I actually finished my first draft of our Independence Day interpretation for Filipino. The theme is Isang Pilipinas: Bayan Ko, Mahal Ko. I'm going to do it now, so I have to say buh-bye. :D And besides, I'm not in my house. I'm here with Yel and Rachel. BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Babay. :)

august 2004 prayer requests

2005-06-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

I checked my Christianster account and I noticed my old prayer requests. Here they are:

"I can't say the reason because it's very personal. I feel wretched, incompetent, and unloved. Deep inside me is a feeling of restriction. I'm in a situation which very much affects my life and the people around me. I feel really bad right now. I just want to find my own pure bliss.. but just like what I said before, happiness is just my elusive dream." - August 24, 2004 || 11:26 PM

"I'm lost and I can't seem to find my way out. I've been absent in school for two straight days. These past few days I've found myself depressed, not wanting to move on and continue the quest God has given me. Many people encouraged me to see a christian psychiatrist, but I don't think that's going to help. I doubt. I really, really doubt. I've been reading Psalms 18 but it doesn't help either. I'm trying to understand that the enemy is taking advantage of this depression, but it seems like I will never be able to get through this. Please pray for me." - August 31, 2004 || 01:56 AM

That was August of last year. Look at the time when they were posted. I was still awake at 1:00 in the morning! Those were the days..

Those were the days when I couldn't sleep or eat. Those were the days when I couldn't do well on my studies. Those were the days when I'd be absent in school for no reason at all. Those were the days when I would lock myself in my room for hours and refuse to talk to anyone. Those were the days when I would push everyone away because I felt no one understood what I was going through. Those were the days when I looked at myself in the mirror and thought I was ugly. Those were the days when I would cry myself to sleep because of too much anxiety. Those were the days when I wasn't myself.

And that girl.. that girl who wrote those prayer requests, she wasn't me. She was LESS than me.

I still remember the reason why I felt that way. I can still remember the vivid details in my mind. It was because of a person. And not just any person. It was a guy.

I got depressed for ONE WHOLE YEAR because of a GUY!

And now there's a question that can't stop bugging me.. was he worth it?

Was he worth all the pain I went through? Was he worth all the food that I didn't eat or the sleep that I didn't take? Was he worth all the hours of waiting for the phone to ring? Was he worth the chances that I didn't take? Was he worth waiting for? Was he worth all of it?

One thing's for certain, though. I'm glad I loved him that much all those time because if I didn't, I wouldn't have known how much pain and suffering it can cause..

IT'S HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN.

It feels like deja vu.. a person comes into my life, makes me fall in love with him, and then leaves me. Once again, I will feel crushed and I will start hating the world again. I will question God for the nth time.

NO, I WON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN.

The events of the past year made me stronger. I won't be vulnerable anymore. I will try to be strong, and this time when I say it's for my own sake, it really IS for my own sake.

I know now what it means to be less than complete. In my previous entries I have blogged about how God renewed me.. and now, as I read it again, I realized those old entries of mine weren't heart-felt. Those were written just for the sole purpose of writing them. I was young and juvenile. Well, I AM still young, but this time.. not juvenile.

I know I will get through this. And if he DOES leave me, I find no reason whatsoever to follow him.

I'm tired of this.

As I read my old prayer requests in Christianster, I also browsed through their replies.. and I saw bespwen's! :)

"Remember that God loves you, and He won't give you problems if He knows you wouldn't be able to surpass it. And you should be happy.. you're alive, you're breathing! You have your family, your classmates, a house, and lastly, you have me. :)" - Anding

Aww.. *sniff sniff* It was hers that REALLY made me feel better. :)

Ito pa: "If happiness is just an elusive dream, maybe you're looking for it in the wrong places. Draw closer to God and you will surely find the answers that you're searching for and more.." - Bubbles

"Hang in there, stand firm! Even though you can't see it now, GOD is at work in you, believe it! He is refining you! He promised never to leave or forsake you and GOD NEVER breaks His promises!" - Jam4TheKing

Oh well.

An excerpt from an old essay: "A wretch I am. My sins crucified Him. But the love of my sweet Jesus is not conquered by my darkness. Those very lashes, those very wounds, have become my saving grace. Where sin abounds, grace abounds even more. And now there is only His beauty for my ashes.

Jesus's love leaves me speechless. What do I say to this Man who took upon Himself the death sentence that due me? I grapple for words. "Thank you" seems so inadequate. "Sorry" does not seem enough. But more than anything, I know that He wants me. He wants my love. He thirsts for my love.

And so I respond with a grateful heart. And a grateful life. And as He rises from the dead, I rise with Him. All things are new.. I am free."

I AM less than complete. I am unworthy of His love. Wala akong kwenta. But because of Him, all things are new.. and I am free from all negativity. I am free from condemnation, judgment, discouragement, and fear.

I guess I'll just have to let Him take over. I'm letting go of a person I love SO MUCH because I know I should love God more than anyone else.

I'm starting to like Ryan Cabrera na tuloy. Sakanya nalang kaya ako? Parang mas naiintindihan pa niya ko e. Haha :) Pasensya na sa mga hindi nakaka-relate.. Hehehe :)

*baliw mode*

Okay. I'm done. I just felt like sharing my old prayer requests. HAHAHA. :))

Anyway.. I don't know if this is proper, but someone has been sending me blank text messages. He/She sends approximately 50 blank messages a day. NO KIDDIN`. I don't know who this person is, but I'm just concerned kasi he's wasting his load. I've tried texting him a gazillion times already but he won't reply.. instead, text lang siya nang text ng blank message. Here's his number:

09186324492

If you're the owner of this number, please, please STOP SENDING ME BLANK MESSAGES. You're just wasting your money.

I doubt he reads my blogs pero I'm hoping. Hahahaha. :)

it's not okay

2005-06-13T13:27:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of this.

I don't know if I'm ever going to be okay, because I know I'M NOT OKAY. I'm not in the mood to blog but I really want to let this out.

I'll just edit this entry later.

"waiting for you is USELESS and DISAPPOINTING."

2005-06-12T16:31:00.000-07:00

"I'm so tired of waiting. I'm disappointed. I really feel like giving up. I'm tired of this. And I don't want it anymore. ANY OF IT."

It's Independence Day today but I'm not feeling it. Labo. Haha. :)

I'm frustrated. And disappointed. And hurt. And fearful. But because of God I'm free from fear, discouragement, condemnation, and judgment. BWAHAHAHA. Ang gulo ko kausap. Hahaha. :D

It's times like this when I really feel like there's no one I can run to. Now I know how it feels to be disappointed. It's hard because you expect so much from that person and you can't help but feel that he's not living up to any of your expectations. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type of person na nag-bibilang ng faults ng iba. But sometimes, it's not easy to be understanding everytime na lang. Why do people act like they don't care anyway? People do it all the time and I'm the idiot that falls for it EVERYTIME.

I'm not sure if it's right to feel this way. I'm sorry if you find me mababaw. But this is how I really feel.

Maybe it's now time to let go and let God work in my life. In OUR lives, for that matter. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's tired of this. I'm sure he's tired, too.

Just when I thought this is the love that will last a lifetime, something comes and makes me realize that I'm still too young. I thought the so-called "FOREVER" will start NOW. But I guess.. I made a mistake. I assumed too much. I hoped for too much. And I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of waiting for nothing. I won't wait for him anymore. If and when my phone beeps I won't hope it's him. I won't wait for his call. I won't wait for him to apologize. Waiting for him is like waiting for the sun to shine in a gloomy day.. useless and disappointing.

silvertoes.. haha!

2005-06-11T10:54:00.000-07:00

I was listening to one of Krizsa's burned CDs and I laughed hard at this song. Haha! :D It brought back so many memories.. especially the Boy Meets Girl Fellowship in Youth@111. HAHAHAHA! :D

SILVERTOES by Parokya ni Edgar

Wag ka nang mag-alala
Hinding hindi ako in love sa yo
Bakit ba pakiramdam mo pa yata
Lahat kami ay naaakit mo?

Miss miss pakitigil lang please
Ang iyong pagpapantasya
Hindi ka na nakakatuwa
Papagulpi na kita sa gwardyang may batuta
Ha ya ya ya..

Hindi ko talaga ma-gets
Kung bakit ka ganyan
Ang feeling mo`y sabik sa iyo
Ang lahat ng kalalakihan
Sorry pagpasensyahan mo na
Mali talaga ang iyong inaakala
Lahat kami ay nandidiri sa iyo
Ikaskas mo na sana ang mukha mo sa simento

Koro:
`Di kami na tu-turn-on
Sa kutis mong kulay champurado
`Di kami naaakit
Sa labi mong garamucho
Oh please naman pakitanggap mo nalang ang katotohanan
Na ganyan ka pinanganak
`Wag ka nang magpapanggap
Na ikaw ay isang dalagang ubod nang ganda
Kahit na alam naman natin na ang karakas mo
Ay ubod nang sama

Siguro nga naman ay may mga mas pangit pa sa yo
Pero at least hindi sila nagpapacute katulad mo
Nakakabadtrip ka, nakakairita tuwing kita`y nakikita
`Di ko alam ba`t ang laki ng ulo mo
Mag-ingat ingat ka baka ikaw ay sagasaan ko

[Ulitin ang Koro]

Haha! It's funny. :D

Anyway..

I've also been listening to Ryan Cabrera. I just looove On the Way Down. Reminds me of a person. Hmmmm..

[gets guitar] "On the way down, I saw you and you saved me from myself.. and I won't forget the way you loved me. And on the way down I almost fell right through.. but I held on to you."

You're all I wanted.. you're all I needed.

Anyway, I would like to thank CHUTTY for letting me borrow her CDs. Thanks, Chut! :)

Gotta go. Still have to get ready for COC. Bye, everyone! :D

school and new lay

2005-06-09T17:13:00.000-07:00

So far, I'm lovin` it. I just love my classmates. EVERYONE. Haha. :D

Anyway, here's my schedule..

M W F
8:00 - 9:00 Mathematics
9:00 - 10:00 English
10:00 - 10:30 R E C E S S
10:30 - 11:30 Filipino
11:30 - 12:30 L U N C H
12:30 - 01:30 Chemistry
01:30 - 2:30 M : English, W : Chemistry, F : Mathematics
2:30 - 3:30 M : Computer, W - RHGP, F - Computer

T TH
8:00 - 9:30 Technology and Home Economics
9:30 - 10:00 R E C E S S
10:00 - 11:30 Christian Living
11:30 - 12:30 L U N C H
12:30 - 02:00 Social Science
02:00 - 3:30 Physical Education

Just felt like sharing.. hehe. :) It's kind of complicated, don't you think? Andaming extensions sa mga major subjects.

Anyway..

My layout's new. I like it very much. Hahaha. :D

LET'S DO THE FIRST DAY FUNK. :)

2005-06-08T16:55:00.000-07:00

First day of School Year 2005-2006 was a blast! My classmates are great, and I'm in Section III-P. :) Ms. Perez is just amazing! She's funny and she's not KJ, sobra. :)

Kanina while I was still in the car I was so nervous and I couldn't sit still. Everything turned out well for me naman. I just LURVE my new classmates. :D

I'm starting to feel the pressure, though [Yeah I know, this early]. I know I should study hard this year. An incoming 4th Year student told me that my 3rd Year grades are WAY more important than in the other year levels.. so I guess, I really have to give it my all this year. :) I know I'm not in school to have fun.. I have to study if I want to get in a good college.

Anyway.. we ate at McDonald's today. Half day lang kasi e. I'll put the pics later. Nakakatamad i-upload eh. Haha. :D Looks like I won't be in front of the computer during weekdays. Siguro every weekends na lang. I still have to work on my schedule though.

Buh-bye everyone. I'll see you when I see you. :)

III-P ROCKS! Haha! :D

Anyway, I would like to thank my sister in soul for the burned CD. Thanks, Yel! :)

sleepover

2005-06-06T22:56:00.000-07:00

Just got back from Krizsa's house. Anding and I slept there. Haha. It was fun. Micah wasn't able to make it though. Aww. :(

I'll post the pics later.

csi las vegas and the sisterhood :)

2005-06-04T12:52:00.000-07:00

I'm obsessed with a TV show again. This time it's CSI Las Vegas and I watched the complete fourth season yesterday. :) I couldn't help but look for photos. :D

Now why do I love CSI? Maybe because it's so REAL. This is actually a very good idea for a show in the Philippines. It's time they make a show that is intellectual and hindi na masses ang market. :) Kaya lang hindi yata masyadong magaling ang Pinas when it comes to Forensics. And come to think of it, DNA nga wala tayo. Kulang na kulang tayo sa equipment. And what do they call our investigators here anyway?

Sheesh. Whatebur. Anyway..

I already finished The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Here is an excerpt of the book:

"Maybe happiness didn't have to be about the big, sweeping circumstances, about having everything in your life in place. Maybe it was about stringing together a bunch of small pleasures. Maybe happiness was just a matter of the little upticks -- the traffic signal that said "Walk" the second you got there -- and downticks -- the itchy tag at the back of your collar -- that happened to every person in the course of the day. Maybe everybody had the same allotted measure of happiness within each day. Maybe it didn't matter if you're a world-famous heartthrob or a painful geek. Maybe it didn't matter if your friend was possibly dying. Maybe you just got through it. Maybe that was all you could ask for."

Oh well. Maybe.. Just maybe..

words

2005-06-03T12:21:00.000-07:00

Main Entry: Skeptical
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: disbelieving
Synonyms: agnostic, aporetic, cynical, dissenting, doubtful, doubting, dubious, freethinking, from Missouri, hesitating, incredulous, leery, mistrustful, questioning, quizzical, scoffing, show-me, suspicious, unbelieving, unconvinced
Antonyms: believing
Sentence: "He's been very skeptical about the way she's acting."

Main Entry: Oblivion
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: blankness
Synonyms: abeyance, amnesia, carelessness, disregard, forgetfulness, inadvertence, indifference, insensibility, insensibleness, lethe, neglect, nirvana, obliviousness, unawareness, unconcern, unconsciousness, unmindfulness
Antonyms: awareness, consciousness
Sentence: "I never would have known oblivion is falling down.."

I just felt like sharing. Bwahahaha. :D

Anyway..

I made a promise. I won't be manhid anymore. I will try to be more sensitive of other people's feelings. But believe it or not, that's what I've been trying to do for the longest time now. Looks like all my efforts are not enough.

Enough said. :)

explanation! defensive BWAHAHA :D

2005-06-02T13:56:00.000-07:00

The first time I saw this skin from Blogskins, I knew I had to use it. :) It doesn't exactly fit my situation right now because first of all, I didn't break up with anyone.. and it's as if there's SOMEONE I could break up with! Haha! :D Although I went through a lot of, ehem, heartaches, I'm still a true-blue member of The NBSB Society. [Unbelievable? BELIEVE IT.] :) I just chose this layout because of the image and because it's so madrama.. you know how much I love dramatic layout themes. Haha. :D

I'll blog again later. Buh-bye! :D

old movie review

2005-05-31T17:38:00.000-07:00

The Passion of the Christ -- The Greatest Love Story Ever Told

I was excited to watch this film. Not just because of all the news about it. But because I would somehow witness what my Savior did for me.

One of the main things that struck me about Jesus was His look of love toward Malchus, toward Judas, toward Peter, toward Barabbas, toward His mother, toward John, toward the thief, toward Mary Magdalene, toward Simon of Cyrene, toward those who struck Him, toward everyone. And that look of love is directed toward me as well. Every inch of Him is love. There is nothing in Him that hates. There is nothing in Him that complains. There is nothing in Him that seeks revenge. He is not angry at those who sinned against Him. He is not angry at me even if I contributed to the strips on His back with every sin that I have committed and with every sin I will still commit.

What love is this? It is a crazy love, illogical. And yet illogical seems to be heaven's specialty. That is why God tells me to walk by faith and not be sight, to trust in Him with all my heart and not rely on my own understanding. That is why He forgives me every time I repent. Unconditional. It is easy for me because it cost Him so much.

It is a strong love. It is a love that endures to the end. No shortcuts. No easy routes. Just the long, rough way. In the midst of His suffering. In the pool of His blood.

It is a selfless love. Jesus does not even think of Himself even as I cry for Him. No, He is determined to do the will of His Father. And in doing so, He saves me from myself.

A wretch I am. My sins crucified Him. But the love of my sweet Jesus is not conquered by my darkness. Those very lashes, those very wounds, have become my saving grace. Where sin abounds, grace abounds even more. And now there is only His beauty for my ashes.

Jesus's love leaves me speechless. What do I say to this Man who took upon Himself the death sentence that due me? I grapple for words. "Thank you" seems so inadequate. "Sorry" does not seem enough. But more than anything, I know that He wants me. He wants my love. He thirsts for my love.

And so I respond with a grateful heart. And a grateful life. And as He rises from the dead, I rise with Him. All things are new. I am free.

Jesus, seeing You portrayed on the big screen has somehow renewed my love for You. It was as if I could touch You. I can't wait for the day when I will see You for real, in person, face to face. Until that day, I commit myself to You. You are the reason I live. I will live for You all the days of my life. Let this be my way of thanking You for all that You've done for me. And yes, I love You. :D

the sisterhood of the traveling pants

2005-05-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

I was SO proud yesterday. Watching Andrea, Krizsa, and Micah perform made me feel so proud.. grabe, wala nakong ikaka-proud pa.. sobra sobra na `toh! Haha! :D Ask Krizsa. She witnessed my kabaliwan yesterday. Sobra.. I'm so proud I can't put it into words. Watching Anding almost brought tears to my eyes. Ask her. She was looking at me at the audience while she was singing. Bwahaha. :D Micah was SO good I wanted to scream right there and then.. kaya lang I couldn't. Medyo formal yung sakanya e. Haha. :) Krizsa? I was screaming my heart out when she danced to LL Cool J's Hush. Promise. I was cheering and everyone was looking at me.. even my Mom was weirded out. HAHAHA. :D

My job was simple: stage bestfriend.. but I LURVED my job. :D Seriously. I'm proud of the three them. Kulang nalang banner. Haha. :D You may think of me as a psycho-obsessed-with-her-three-bestfriends'-performances-I'm-so-proud-of-them-while-they-were-doing-their-thing kind of person, but I guess.. I AM a psycho obsessed with my three bestfriends' performances yesterday. :) While their talents were being showcased I felt so glad that they're finally doing what they do best. Anding the singer, Krizsa the dancer, and Micah the pianist. Anding was right about Micah's performance though.. the piece was quite basic for her level. But nevertheless, she did GREAT. :)

Enough of the craziness. Haha. :D

Have you ever been into something you can't talk your way out of? You know you're not supposed to feel like that but for some reason you can't seem to contain yourself? You can't help but feel that way. You want to scream even if you know that no one will hear you.. and at the end of the day all you can do is cry because no one can feel your pain..

Well I'm at that point.

Talking to Mark last night made me realize all sorts of things though. I was encouraging him and while doing so, I was also encouraged. I'm SURPRISED at everything I told him last night. You see I'm not very good at making decisions. In fact, "not very good" is an understatement. I'm actually very stupid when it comes to making choices. It's one of my many weaknesses.. decision-making. I DO ask God for wisdom though. More often than not He gives it to me whenever I need it. Someone once told me that God has three answers to prayers: YES, NO, and WAIT. Right now, it seems like He's giving me the answer I hate the most.. WAIT. But I just have to trust Him. I have to trust that He is all-knowing and powerful, and His will is perfect. :)

"Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday." - The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

"Not all who wander are lost." - JRR Tolkien

The quotes have absolutely nothing to do with how I feel. I just felt like sharing. Hahaha. :D

I'm starting to read The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares. I borrowed it from Micah. It's nice. I'm excited for the movie. I'm actually about to finish it, so I gotta go now. Buh-bye. :D

Anding, thanks for the warning. Wiley, thank you for the tags. You don't know how much I appreciate them. :)

phone bonding

2005-05-27T14:54:00.000-07:00

I was on the phone for 6 hours last night. Haha. I slept at 3:00AM and I woke up today at 12:00PM! Bwahaha. :) It was fun though. Anding and Krizsa had lots of stories. LAUGH TRIP, sobra. Sayang, si Micah lang yung wala. Oh well. We made okray all sorts of people. Wow. Whattasentence! HAHAHA. :D

Oh well. *sheepish grin here* I realized something today. It's better to be self-sacrificing than to see others around you having a hard time. I guess it's easy for me to say because I'm a certified and true-blue S in Solving the People Puzzle. Haha. :) I'm bringing up this quote again: When we lose something, we lose it for a reason. That reason might be hard to understand, but whatever it is, we just have to believe that GOD TAKES AWAY WHEN HE HAS SOMETHING BETTER TO GIVE.

YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT. Even if I want to, I can't shut down this site! Haha. :) My eyes were already staring at the monitor, I was about to click DELETE THIS BLOG in Blogger Dashboard, when I realized.. I can't do it! Haha. :D

I'll just update again tomorrow. :D

new layout

2005-05-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

I changed my layout because of too much boredom. Wala lang. :)

Anyway..

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I'm thinking about banning myself from the internet. Nakakasama lang ng loob e. [Sorry Wiley, I really can't help it..] I can't help but feel that I'm being harassed by people who don't even know me personally. People who are too judgmental and narrow-minded to analyze the situation first before saying mean things to me. Nevertheless, I would like to thank bestfriend Andrea, Wiley, and Ate Karen for the defending tags. And most especially, Pao who also made a defending entry. Thanks guys. :)

So now the question still remains.. am I going to shut down this site or not?

restless [editted]

2005-05-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

Hi people. Grabe, haggard nako. I'm tired physically, mentally, and most of all.. emotionally. I'm so drained you can't talk to me properly. I spent the night at the hospital with my Mom, Tito, and Tita. :)

I arrived at East Avenue Medical Center at around 7PM. By that time, my Grandpa was still staying at the Emergency Room. He still didn't have a suite. After one hour, they escorted us to the private room. The suite had everything we needed naman. I found out that my Grandpa's heart attack was super mild lang.. pero kung hindi naagapan, baka kung ano nang nangyari. Praise God for that. The doctors said his heart is weak. But he's already stable and he just checked out of the hospital.. but he might undergo surgery.

You know what I realized? Hindi lang lolo ko ang may mahinang puso, ako din. And yes, I intended to say that in the most dramatic way possible. And I don't mean that literally. I hope all of these will be over because God knows my heart can't take much more. I'm starting to break down. There's just one person that keeps me from letting go.. if it weren't for him.. I might as well be dead right now.

Angel

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight..

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there..

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees..

**********************

When the music fades.. all is stripped away.

It's been a year since it happened. One year ago, we lost a friend and a brother in Christ. I only take joy and comfort in knowing that he is with God right now.. and he's happy.

It's all about You, Jesus..

prayer request

2005-05-24T17:20:00.000-07:00

Something happened to my Grandfather this morning. He was rushed to the hospital because he had a heart attack. My Mom said his condition is critical. And the worst part is, he hasn't prayed to receive Christ yet. I'm on my way to the hospital now, I'm just waiting for my Mom to pick me up. Guys, please pray for him. I'm crying as I type this. We're really very close and I can't lose him.. not now, not ever.

every season

2005-05-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

Four years ago, my bestest friend in the whole wide universe introduced me this song. And now that I'm listening to it, I just can't help but cry..

Every Season

Every evening sky
An invitation
To trace the pattern stars
And early in July
A celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children's games
In those who watched them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonders..
You are Summer

And even when the trees
Have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves
In mid-September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and what's to come..
You are Autumn

And everything in time
And under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white
All creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice You when branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death you open doors for life to enter..
You are Winter

And everything that's new
Has greatly surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
And what was frozen through
Is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it ends with You
And how you make me new
With every seasons change
And so it will be as You are recreating me..
Summer Autumn Winter Spring

Today I realized how great it is to have friends who have God-given wisdom. People who will never mislead you and will walk with you to the right path. I feel so blessed to have people like them.. people who will always follow God's Word in everything they do.

i feel so bad.. i want to cry. :(

2005-05-22T14:28:00.000-07:00

Someone's been sending me hate mail in Friendster and leaving nasty comments in my CBox. I was going to display his/her Friendster URL in here but I decided not to do it anyways. I'm sure this person just created a fake account in order to send me messages. I have no idea who does these mean and bitchy things to me.

AND TO THAT BAD PERSON: What's your problem? Why are you doing this to me? I really have no idea why you hate me so much. I don't even know who you are! And you're right. You ARE following me. You're watching every move I make. You're saying you're capable of being wicked and bitchy? Tell you what, I'M NOT. I'm sorry. I'm not very good at defending myself. I wasn't going to dignify what you're doing by writing it here in my blog but this is ENOUGH. And bakit mo ko minumura? Kahit kailan, my parents never did that to me. They never spoke profanity right in my face. If you're a Patrician, well don't worry -- your problems will soon be over for I'm going to transfer to St. James this school year. And this will be the last time I'm going to write about you, because no one pays attention to people like you. People who are not happy and content with who they are. People who bring other people down in order to feel good with themselves.

I will not let these things affect me anymore. And just like what my sister told me, "Being an insecure slut is a trend nowadays. Just stand tall and those mockin' herds can't do anything, because as I said, they just mock.." :D

movie marathon.. bonding with andrea :)

2005-05-20T01:24:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. Seriously. Anding's right. I ALWAYS get sick after overnights. Haha. :)

Anyways.. we watched 5 flicks! Record.. Haha! :D

Here are the movies and some YES and NO questions that formulated in my mind after watching them. And just like Andrea, I learned a lot from them too. :)

Movie # 1 A Series of Unfortunate Events This is the Lemony Snicket original. I enjoyed it. Hehe. :)

Is it REALLY possible for a series of unfortunate events to conspire and make your life miserable? Is it pure coincidence? Or do they happen for a reason? Yeah, I guess in a way it can make our lives miserable. But we have to understand that these may be tests from God. He gives us troubles for us to seek Him more. And no, it is not just coincidence because everything happens for a reason. :)

Movie # 2 So Close Arrgh! The stars are so purrty! Haha! :) Seriously though, Qi Shu and Vicki Zhao are both so cute! Karen Mok's ugly though. Kiddin`! :D Basta, astig yung movie. Naaliw and naiyak ako at the same time. Haha. :)

Is conflict of interest enough reason for two sisters to fight? Or does this conflict make their bond stronger? I couldn't help but sigh after watching the movie. I, personally, was touched by the film because I also have an older sister whom I don't share the same interests with. She's dominant, I'm submissive. When you think about it, it seems like a picture perfect set-up. But there also came a time when the I got so sick and tired of her always putting her weight around and always getting what she wants. Like Lynn and Sue, my sister and I also get [yeah, we still do :D] into these kind of petty fights whenever I don't do what she wants me to do. But at the end of the day, we realize that in this world full of hatred and cruel people [hehe], kami lang din yung magkakampi sa huli eh. I know she's just there when I need protection from people who will try to hurt me. And just as the same, she also has my back when she needs me. :) I know we have each other. We will lead each other in the right path, just like what Sue did for Lynn. Remember, yung World Panorama? :)

Movie # 3 Win a Date with Tad Hamilton A small-town girl wins a date with a male celebrity through a contest. When the date goes better than expected, a love triangle forms between the girl, the male celebrity, and the girl's best friend. :) Sounds like your ordinary chick flick right? Well, you're wrong. :D

Which would you rather choose? The one you love or the one who loves you? Well, alam ko ang stereotype ng dating but this is really the question that popped into my head after watching it! Hehe :) I'm sure the most idealistic answer would be choosing the one who loves you. But let's be realistic, we want what we want. People do tend to be selfish. And I, too, am guilty of being selfish. I'd rather choose the person who doesn't even know I exist than the one who loves me. I know I should be more idealistic about it.. and I admire people who are. :)

Movie # 4 13 Going On 30 A 13 year old girl plays a game on her 13th birthday and wakes up the next day as a 30 year old woman. Haha. :)

Are you willing to skip almost two decades in your life to be 30, flirty, and thriving? :) Although my life is a mess right now and 30 seems like a good idea, NOT NOW. :) And besides, I know I still have to learn a lot.. and I can't possibly miss anything on my way.

Movie # 5 50 First Dates Henry Roth is a man who falls in love with Lucy, a woman with short-term memory loss. Therefore, Lucy never remembers Sandler and this proves to be a pain for him as he always has to gain her back every day. :)

Would you completely erase someone from your memory just because you think that this person has no future with you? Even if you love him? Here goes the IDEALISTIC and REALISTIC thing again. Haha. :) If you want an honest answer, I'd say YES. Because I would just be wasting this person's time and I would only stop him from growing! I'm just being realistic.. I'm not saying it's wrong to fight for it, pero if the situation's hopeless na.. why bother? Just speaking from MY point of view. :D

Okay. My fingers are tired. I'm ready to publish! Haha :D

:)

2005-05-19T14:11:00.000-07:00

And because of insistent public demand I changed my layout. Yuck feeling! Haha! :) Seriously though, Krizsa asked me to change my lay because she said her PC was having problems with my previous layout [the "TAKE MY HAND AND NEVER LET GO" skin by Missy Kee *wink*] and she can't read my blogs. So I changed it. Haha. :D

Anyway.. I'm going to Andrea's place. I'm going to spend the night there. Hehe, it's bonding time again! :D By the way, check out her blog. She just moved to Blogspot and her layout is SO cute! Hehe. :)

My parents have both been very critical about where I'm going to enroll this year. Looks like I'm moving to St. James College after all. I think I won't have any problems about transferring since Krizsa will be there. :) I'm just very excited because I'm now a Junior.. Prom Night! :D Krizsa told me pa that SJC usually holds it in Manila Hotel. Whoah! Excited na.. :)

Blog again later. :) I still have to pack my things for the overnight. Hehe. :)

i don't believe this!

2005-05-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

As y'all know, I'm obsessed with Dawson's Creek and that also includes being a fan of its stars.. and Katie Holmes happens to be my favorite. I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

What the?!

Imagine, Tom Cruise is already 42 years old and Katie is only 26! That makes him 16 years older than her! She was about to enter kindergarten when Tom Cruise starred in Risky Business as Joel Goodson. Major eww.

Sorry if I'm overreacting and I'm sorry if I'm so affected by this but this is just so.. unbelievable. But it's not like I can do anything about it. Haha. :)

Anyway, I have a new crush. :D

Shocked?

This is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's very own Jai Rodriguez. He's my new crush! :D I know, I know, he's GAY. But he's so cute! Sayang, sana he's straight na lang. He's good looking pa naman. :)

all's well that ends well. :)

2005-05-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I wasn't feeling well so I said a lot of gibberish things. Haha. :))

Something made me happy.. and I think I owe it to my bestfriends Andrea and Krizsa. :) I've been praying for this for the longest time and now it's here.. 4R's finally okay. :)

I got this from my pretty cuz, Ate Kikay.

To the people in my life.. you know who you are!

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that LOVE is blind but FRIENDSHIP is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime..

realizations

2005-05-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

The unfolding of past events left me bewildered and made me realize another batch of few universal truths [again! :)]. Even if those things didn't happen to moi personally, I still learned a lot.

1. Life is short so live it to the fullest. You never know when it's your time. And yes, bestfriend Andrea's right. I got this from her: "Every single moment you spend angry or upset is a moment of happiness you can never get back." So why dwell on your problems when you can have fun and enjoy life, right? I'm also guilty of being too emotional when problems occur, and I'd really like to change that.

2. I noticed that I became much of a mocker. I've been criticizing other people's mistakes when I should be looking at my own faults and short-comings. And the realization that I wasn't exactly a good person lately hit me HARD. I haven't been encouraging people, instead I've been mocking them. I feel so guilty for being like that.

3. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." I'm a quitter; I give up easily. Whenever I feel like the situation is already hopeless, I'd rather give it up than pursue it even more. And I'd only end up being frustrated because I can't get what I want. And it's wrong. So now, whenever I feel weak, all I do is pray and ask God for strength, wisdom, and guidance as I battle with life.

4. I've been selfish. I know this is somewhat similar to #2, but I still want to write it down. Pakiramdam ko ang sama-sama ko. Pakiramdam ko andami kong nasaktan and I don't know why I feel this way. It sucks because I don't know if I did anything wrong, pero ganito talaga yung nararamdaman ko e. And I can't tell it to anyone 'cause I feel like they won't understand. Even I don't understand why I feel this way. Can somebody PLEASE tell me why I feel this way? I feel like I haven't been very nice to people. I know I should be more encouraging. I've been selfish. I dwelled too much on my own personal struggles and because of that, I wasn't able to help any of my friends who are also having problems. I focused too much on myself. I wasn't able to help people who have been calling me and asking me for advice. And just like this person I know, I also feel like I've been a failure.

Do you notice na ang sama-sama ng loob ko sa sarili ko? I'm a failure. And I wasn't able to help anyone.. and because of it, I feel like hell.

"there are days when i feel the best of me is ready to begin.."

2005-05-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

There are days when I feel
The best of me is ready to begin
There are days when I feel
I'm letting go and soaring on the wind
'Cause I've learned in laughter or in pain
How to survive

I get on my knees
I get on my knees
There I am before the love
That changes me
See I don't know how
But there's power
When I'm on my knees

I can be in a crowd
Or by myself almost anywhere
When I feel there's a need
To talk with God He is Emmanuel
When I close my eyes
No darkness there
There's only light

I don't know how but there's power
In the blue skies
In the midnight
When I'm on my knees..

- ON MY KNEES by Jaci Velasquez -

Anyway..

I just came from church because I attended COC. :) I had fun hanging out with the LC girls. Hahaha. :D

I'll just edit this entry later. Haha. :))

a week in my so-called life :D

2005-05-13T12:31:00.001-07:00

Here's a recap. :)

Sunday - Just attended service.. nothing important happened naman, I just sat beside my bestfriend Micah. She gave me bracelet from Boracay, by the way. Thanks Mic! :)

Monday - My Kuya Paul came home with a brand new copy of The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. He really didn't want to buy a copy because he already read The Templar Revelation and Holy Blood, Holy Grail, so what's the point of buying a contemporary book about the Grail right? I REALLY think he just bought a copy for moi. Haha. :D Right after he finished reading it, wala siyang ibang ginawa kundi okrayin yung libro. Haha. :)) He said it was really for teenagers. And he's right, kasi naaliw ako dun sa book. And you know I'm just your typical teen. Haha. :) I'll make a review next time na lang siguro. I'm on a rush kasi e. I have to finish this entry. :)

Tuesday - Didn't go to Culinary Arts class because I woke up at 12:00PM! Haha! :) Unfortunately, they made Chiffon Cake. And I wasn't there! Tsk tsk. Hindi ko tuloy natutunan kung pano gumawa ng ganon.. Oh well. :)

Wednesday - School sa umaga, house sa gabi. :) Just read The Da Vinci Code. We made Chiffon Cake din! Hahaha. :D

Thursday - Pareho lang din nung Wednesday.. :) Nag-brown out. Finished the book. Learned na si Leigh Teabing pala at ang mysterious Teacher ay iisa. Haha. :D

Friday - We made Carbonara. Binigay lang din naman namin sa teachers. Haha. :) Actually, the reason I want to finish this entry agad is because I want to sleep. My eyes hurt because I was reading while brownout. Hahaha. :D

Have to go now.. need to catch some ZZZs. :)

when the stars go blue

2005-05-09T18:02:00.000-07:00

I watched One Tree Hill last Tuesday night, and Bethany Joy Lenz who stars as Haley James sang another one of her songs but this time, with Tyler Hilton who stars as Chris. Duet sila. Doi. :D Here's the lyrics of the song. There are some parts na medyo hindi maganda yung words, pero astig yung kanta. Download niyo. :D

When The Stars Go Blue

Dancin' where the stars go blue
Dancin' where the evening fell
Dancin' in my wooden shoes
In a wedding gown

Dancin' out on 7th street
Dancin' through the underground
Dancin' little marionette
Are you happy now? yeah

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue

Laughing with your pretty mouth
(Laughing with your pretty mouth)
Laughing with your broken eyes
(Laughing with your broken eyes)
Laughing with your lover's tongue
(Laughing with your lover's tongue)
In a lullaby, yeah

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you, yeah
Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you, follow you (follow you) yeah
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when the stars go blue

Once again, I just felt like sharing. :D

By the way, I had the time to look at our library last night and I took I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I saw the story The Room and I feel like I must share it with all of you. :) Read it. It's really overwhelming. :D

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I Have Liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed."

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I Have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed At." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've Yelled at My Brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger," "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

the people i admire

2005-05-07T20:10:00.000-07:00

I realized na sobrang walang sense nung entry ko kanina, so I decided to make another one. I know this is somewhat similar to The Women Of My Life, pero there's still a difference because this time, I'll be including MEN. Hehe. :D

Person # 1 Once again, my Mom tops the list. Why? Because it's Mother's Day tomorrow! Haha! Kiddin`! :)) Seriously. I admire her because she's just so.. so.. strong. I don't know why I see her that way. Maybe because I've never seen her cry? Hindi naman dahil sa manhid siya or something. Only because she doesn't want me to see her that way. I so admire her for being strong and because of the decisions she's made. She just became so wise beyond her years. For me, she's the perfect epitome of beauty and brains. :D And I want to be just like her when I grow old.. :)

Person # 2 My Dad. Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of him saved in my computer.. :( Pero he's really gwapo. Haha! :) Anyway, I admire him because just like my Mom, he's strong din. Sakanya ko nakuha yung heart for music. Seriously.. kahit ganon yung Dad ko, kumakanta yun and he plays the guitar, piano, and drums.. Astig nga eh.. :) He's also very active in sports and he once became a Professor sa isang college in Manila. I won't mention the school na lang. Baka sabihin pa mayabang ako or something. Pero I'm really proud of my Dad kasi he's sobrang COOL. Unlike other dads na sobrang uptight. Oh no, my Dad's not like that. Kakampi ko pa yan `pag pinapairal ng nanay ko yung pagiging strikta niya. :D I SO love him.

Person # 3 I think it's pretty obvious that I idolize my brother SO MUCH. I always mention his name in my blog, right? That's because I look up to him. Now here's a guy who's made some pretty good decisions in his life! If there's anyone that I consider ALMOST PERFECT, it's him. Talking to him is so intellectually stimulating. He told this to me once: "I may be a fearless philosopher, but there are still places in this world I DARE NOT ENTER!" Haha! :D

Person # 4 My bro's girlfriend, Ate Marites. Now why do I admire her? Because she's got beauty and brains. Seriously. Look at the pic closely. Ang sobrang ganda niyan.. she's a Lucy Torres look-a-like. And not only that. Sobrang talino din. Hay, my brother's one lucky guy! :))

Person # 5 My sister. Do you know why I admire her so much? Because no matter how many times she fall, she would still stand up. She doesn't care about what other people might say or think about her.. and for that, she's inspires me to be the same.

Person # 6 Who DOESN'T admire this lass?! Haha! :)) Seriously though, I really DO admire her. She's just so beauty and brains. Haha! :D And gaya nga ng sinabi ko sakanya the last time we talked.. konti na lang yung mga katulad niya na maganda na, saksaksan ng bait pa! Haha! :D Tama na may bayad na toh. Joke! :))

Person # 7 I can't believe I forgot to put her in The Women Of My Life entry. Obviously, Ate Ai is so talino. Who wouldn't admire a woman who is so full of wisdom? I feel so blessed to have her as my shepherd. :)

Persons # 8-12 LC! :))

I also admire Ate Karen, who, by the way, also happens to be my COC mate. :) I admire her because she gives GREAT advice. She knows so much about the relationship ek-eks.. and I know she's the person I can run to once na nasaktan ako. :D And she's also a great writer! Sobra. Have you read her works? Grabe, sobrang astig talaga.. :) Ate Joy! I admire her because just like Ate Karen, sobrang bait din and sobrang talino.. :) Ate Reciel! And of course.. how can I forget Renel?! Haha! :)

Hmmm.. there are still a lot of people I want to add here, kaya lang nakakahiya e.. Haha! :)

"love cannot dwell with suspicion.." - cupid :)

2005-05-07T03:08:00.000-07:00

It's a good thing I decided to read Cupid and Psyche's story. Love is equal to trust. :D

The other night while I was watching TV my sister took my picture. Candid! :)

Wala lang I just felt like sharing! Haha! :))

crappy layout, faces of death, and narcisso :D

2005-05-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

I'm not in the mood to look for cute layouts. Bahala na kung panget. Nakakatamad e. :D Besides, I'm trying to make a record. The highest number of layouts changed in one month. Haha. :D

Anyway.. I had a fight with the love of my life last night. Hahaha. Bulgaran `toh. :)) We're still fighting. Haha. Parang ang saya-saya ko pa noh. Hahaha. :D

Sige I'll make kwento na lang. My brother and I watched Faces of Death last night. Grabe, hindi ako nakatulog. Meron isang guy, namatay sa boxing. As in right after nung last round, he died. Tumba agad. Akalain mo yun. Ang sobrang morbid pa nga nung iba e. Nakakaawa yung animals sa Animal Slaughter. Sobra. Kasi sabi ni Kuya totoo daw yun. Pero grabe, I proved na sobrang tibay ko pala. While we were watching, I had the nerve pa to eat chips. And to think na puro patay na tao yung mga pinakita dun! Haha. Akala ko hindi ko matitingnan e.. pero kaya ko pala. :D Haha. Share ko lang. Sabi sa inyo tinatamad akong ayusin yung pag-bblog ko e. Hahaha. :))

Yun about naman kay Narcisso.. napansin kasi ni Kuya na yung wallpaper ko sa computer and cellphone, mukha ko. Sabi niya ang vain ko daw. Oh yeah. I'm vain. Like what a friend told me once, vanity is good. Sabi ni Kuya it's not daw. Sabi daw sa Bible, mali daw yun. Humility is most important daw. Koneksyon?! Ayun so anyway, pinabasa niya sakin yung book niya na Bulfinch's Greek and Roman Mythology.. The Age of Fable. He introduced me to Narcisso. Narcisso was the guy pala who fell in love with himself. Haha. Hindi ko pa tapos e. Naaliw ako kay Cupid and Psyche. :D

O tama na. Kalokohan na toh. Hahaha. :))

thoughts, thoughts, and more thoughts. haha. :D

2005-05-05T02:43:00.000-07:00

Is it possible, I wonder, for a girl to truly change? Or do character and habit form the immovable boundaries of our lives? [Whoah! Ang lalim noh? Haha! :D]

Would you believe that at age 14, I already committed a bundle of immature mistakes? Haha. :D Seriously though. I've made some really poor choices, I've made some self-centered decisions without asking God for wisdom, I took a lot of people for granted.. in short; I screwed some things up. Haha. :D But I never regret every single mistake I committed. Know why? Because it created the person I am today. :)

It feels odd to know that it's all behind me now. My whole year of longing for this certain guy to be back in my life had dominated my thoughts for so long and visualized it so many times that I sometimes feel that I lost contact with an old friend, someone with whom I've grown very comfortable. Yet in the wake of those memories, I've come to realize that I now have the answer to the question that I've been pondering since I can't remember when..

Yes, a girl can truly change. :D

The events of the past year have taught me so much about myself, and a few universal truths. I learned, for instance, that while wounds can be inflicted easily upon those we love, it's often much more difficult to heal them. Yet the process of healing those wounds provided the richest experience in my life, leading me to believe that while I've often overestimated what I could accomplish in a day, I had underestimated what I could do in a year. But most of all, I've learned that it's possible for me to fall in love all over again, even when there's been a long time of pure disappointment whenever I take the risk of falling in love.. :)

It's a daily struggle for me to be blameless before God, and part of me wonders whether it always will be. But so what? I hold tight to the lessons God taught me, and even if I never become as perfect as Him, it doesn't mean that I'm ever going to stop trying. :D

Well anyway.. I've already met a bunch of people who blogged about their classmates and described them one by one, so.. I'm gonna do the same thing since I'm bored and because I MISS THEM SO MUCH! :D The list will go in RANDOM ORDER. :)

1. Jeremiah Oledan - CAMERA GUY! Oh yeah! :D Actually, may mga censored sa video cam niya. Yung mga scandal ek ek! Major yuck, actually. Pinapanood pa saming mga girls! Tuwang-tuwa naman yung boys! Sayang nga e, hindi nahuli! Tsk tsk. Hehe. Joke. :D Pero masaya siya kasama. And nakapag-open na rin siya sakin about his family. I feel very previleged dahil of all people, ako pa yung nakwentuhan niya. Touched ako. Haha. :D
2. Carmela Apo - She's the girl seated in front of me. Actually siya yung quiet type, pero pag kami nag-chismisan, nako! Sagad na sagad to the bones! :D And she's also very smart. :)
3. Raymond Puno - My KA-SEATMATE! Haha! No joke! :D Astig kausap toh e, lalo na when it comes to music kasi we have the same taste. Kapag mga RnB na yung pinag-uusapan, hay nako, malamang alam ni Raymond yun! :)
4. Androw Medalle - Mr. COOL DUDE! :P Siya rin ang class clown. Nakakatawa.. in a good way ah. :D And I'm sorry girls, HE'S ALREADY TAKEN! Bwahahaha! :)
5. Jane Acedillo - Top 1 ng class! :) It wasn't hard opening up to her. Ng problems ha. Galing kasi nito e. Pano, may wisdom from God. Haha. :)
6. Glesa Medina - Ang GLENG-GLENG ng buhay ko! :) She's so sweet. Sarap kasama. She's actually one of my girl friends in class. Kaya don't you dare hurt her. :D Yuck manakot daw ba. Haha. :D
7. Datu Candao - Ah, yes. One of the most ASTIG guys I've ever known. I'm gonna miss you, pare. :D
8. Rhea Pascua - Hay nako, the girl I miss SO MUCH! :) Grabe ang galing mag-advice nito. She's sobrang experienced na kasi. I learned a lot from her. Gusto ko na nga mag-sun e.. balita ko kasi tinatawagan niya lahat ng classmates namin na naka-sun! Haha! :D I will surely miss this lass. :)
9. Jorence Tupalar - One word: ASTIG. Haha. :D
10. Martin Rafael - Bassist ng BAND AID! Haha! :D Very talented.. not to mention FACE OF THE YEAR awardee. Haha! :P
11. Arriane Sandoval - Also one of my girl friends. We've been close since 1st Year, and I've learned so much na from her. I love her so much. She's like a sister to me na. :)
12. Joanna Pastrana - ARTIST! :) Very talented. I saw some of her sketches, and it was sobrang ganda talaga. Hiningi ko nga yung pic nung isang girl na drawing niya e. Haha! :) Very mabait pa. :D
13. Dean Javier - Although everyone's made fun of him all throughout the school year, he remained such a sport.. and because of that, I SALUTE HIM. :D
14. Tin-Tin Terrado - KROONG-KROONG! Haha! :) Also one of my kumares. Super saya kasama. Very pretty and smart. Kaya lang, taken na e.. Haha! :)
15. Sam Pitogo - Hay nako, LAKAS MANG-ASAR! :D Pero okay lang, I still labs him. Haha! :P
16. Sucelle dela Torre - SROONG-SROONG! :)) You might think of her as tahimik at first. Pero hindi noh! Loka-loka din toh! Patawa din! Haha! :D I'm gonna miss her nga e.. she's going to transfer na kasi. Hay. :(
17. Carl Dionisio - CLASS PRESIDENT-slash-COMEDIAN-slash-BAND VOCALIST-slash-BALLER. `Nuff said. :)
18. Desiree Mernelo - MISS POISE AWARDEE! :D You might misinterpret her at first dahil grabe ang poise nito but I assure you.. she's really nice and fun to be with! Sobrang smart din. She's also my `lil sis.. and I love her! :D
19. Von Dass - Tuwing nakikita ko toh, wala siyang ibang ginawa kundi mangutang. :) Pero kahit ganon, I still find him funny and reassuring at times kahit malakas din mang-asar! :D I'm going to miss him din. :'(
20. Nicole Sevilla - MISS INTRAMS! :D Ah! Kumare-slash-girl friend! :D Sobrang astig maging friend nito kasi she's always gonna be there for you when you need her. Saya din kasama! :) I love yah, Nicole! :D Lakwatcha naten, ha? :)
21. Carlo Los Banos - MUSIKERO ng bayan! Haha! :D Wala yatang hindi kayang tugtugin yan sa guitar.. Guitarist ng BAND AID eh! Haha! :D
22. April Dimaculangan - My one and only SUPER GIRL. She saved me from myself. Ang lalim noh? :) E malalim din yung friendship namin e! Haha! :D
23. Justine Santos - MISS CHARMING! :D Kumare ko din. Saya kasama.. and she's like a sister to me. Love yah, Juss! :)
24. JC Estacio - Mabait and very caring. :) He's also very dear to me. :D
25. Ma. Quey Solano - Addict sa Simple Plan and kay AVRIL LAVIGNE! :D Actually madalas namin pag-awayan yun kasi tinatawag kong POSEURS yung mga idol niya. E kaya lang ganon talaga e. Haha. :D Saya kakwentuhan. Magaling mag-patawa. :)
26. Anjo Panganiban - Athlete and sobrang bait. :D He's also very goofy. Haha. :)
27. Ayhiee Velarde - FASHIONISTA, no doubt about it. :) I only discovered recently how nice she is as a friend. Grabe, sobrang saya pala kasama nito! :)
28. Kevin Corcelles - Minsan tahimik pero `pag humirit.. nakakatawa! :D
29. Robert Rodriguez - Boy-Next-Door! My counterpart! Haha! :D This sweet guy is very dear to me kasi.. wala lang! Haha! :D
30. Gernina Suelto - Very sweet. She would always ask me how I'm doing, if I'm okay.. grabe, ang bait nito. :)
31. Roy de los Reyes - My ka-chikahan! :D I would never forget our laugh trips. Grabe, astig din toh.. :D Masaya kausap. May sense. Haha! :P
32. Danlin Basilio - Kahit nag-drop out of school siya, I still feel blessed to have known him. I wish him all the best in life. Haha, birthday? :D

broken sonnet.. :D

2005-05-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

The first time I saw this layout from Blogskins, I knew I had to use it. I'm a big fan of the song and the oh-so gwapo vocalist of Hale. Haha! :D

Oh well. Gotta go. I'll just edit this entry later. :)

:'(

2005-05-01T16:22:00.000-07:00

My brother reads my blogs. His comment? "SIS, you're getting depressed about nothing." Haha. Hi Kuya! Alam mo na tuloy yung buhay ko. Wag mo ko sumbong kay Mommy ah! :D

Well anyway..

I feel bad. Actually, bad is an understatement. I feel so bad that I can't put it into words. I have some relationships that seem to be falling apart. I also feel bad for some of my girlfriends who feel bad. Arrgh! Whatever.

This has got to be one of the worst summers of my life. Why? Simply because I had to take summer classes. All because of Katam. Do you know what Katam is? If you don't, it only means that you're SLOW. `Wag mo nang alamin. Kawawa ka naman. Haha. :D

I'm losing someone. I know it. Harhar.

Hmm.. I don't know what else to write. I know I should be cautious. Anyone and everyone can easily access my blogs with just one click. Haha.

I know I already posted this in one of my previous entries, but I suddenly felt like putting it again. Haha.

I know not for which fate is worse: to have not opened my heart at all or to have loved and lost someone as I did. There is one thing I know though. Loving him was a sweet misery. I loved him as I love life itself, but I was certain that I would never be in his arms for he longs to hold another. I have resigned to the fact that I shall be with him only in my dreams. He once came into my loneliness and stirred the passion in my heart from its disturbed slumber. He was the beautiful sun, which rose for me on that beautiful morning of a new day of my life. His existence was enough reason for me to be born and entrusted to this void we call our world. I was hurt, maybe I still am. I thought I would never fall in love again. I was scared and lost my trust in love because it brought me nothing but despair. I knew that the glory of that morning would not last. For it must give way to nighttime, when the beautiful sun, which had heralded the coming of a new day, would become my pitiless tormentor. My affection for him then was my own passion. He was my cruel tyrant. It is now my desire to be strong, to never allow my heart to be broken again. Silly how he came barging in and while I refuse to open, I detrimentally failed to shut the door. Well perhaps loving him was like writing poetry: creating a thing of beauty, a heart's song, yet a song I was afraid to sing, for my ballad might be mocked and my love rejected. Nonetheless, life itself is short and passing. No matter what happened, I have learned not to let my song to the grave. I can only be nothing but hopeful. Maybe my love for him will someday fade with the setting of the sun. But until such time when I will no longer be a slave of my own passion, I shall continue to master the art of letting go. There can be nothing more apt than this.

now this is why i love getting hurt.

2005-04-29T12:17:00.000-07:00

"Never thought I would fall, never thought I could be so happy, never thought I would be so inspired.. `Till I found you. Never thought promises were to be broken, never thought I'd feel such pain, never thought angels lied.. `Till I found you."

I love getting hurt because I can finally blog about something sensible! Haha.

Anyway, I am hurt. Really, I am. Even if there's nothing to feel hurt or sad about. Last night, I was terribly frustrated. I even ended up reading my Mom's The Power of a Praying Woman because of too much frustration and anxiety. I came across the chapter entitled "Lord, Set Me Free From Negative Emotions". It worked, but I still ended up crying. Maybe God wants me to learn something.

I knew it was going to hurt, but I never thought it would hurt THIS BAD. I don't want to assume what might happen in the next few days, but I have a gut feeling that something bad will happen.. and there's absolutely nothing I can do to stop it.

It seems like what I defended will all go to waste. I can't refrain myself from feeling this way. A lot of "what-ifs" plague my mind. There's a queasy feeling in my stomach and I can't eat right. I wasn't even able to sleep well last night. OH WELL. Looks like I was right about everything. This thing is just nothing but a MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT.

Okay. Enough.

the story of a girl..

2005-04-27T12:28:00.000-07:00

This layout is inspired by 3 Doors Down's The Story of a Girl. I'm actually a fan of theirs. Haha. :)

Anyway, please bare with me. I realized how dramatic yesterday's entry was. Well guys, you don't have to worry anymore. I won't blog about it EVER AGAIN. I signed up in Deviant Art and I browsed some of the pics. I saw a lot of weird ones! Well, weird but cool. At least for me. :D

*Clap Clap Clap* Byutipul, byutipul! Love this pic! This is my favorite! It's sad, though. The title is Save These Tears. Hmmm, I can use this.. :) It's bagay for my new lay.

This one is entitled Concept of Grace. I like this too.

The Gate. It's kinda cute. :)

I like this too. The title is Don't Catch Me When I Fall. Whoah! :D

Okay this is enough. Nonsense nanaman eh. Hahaha. :) I'm planning to use some of these pics for next templates. Cuties. Haha. :)

sniff

2005-04-26T03:53:00.000-07:00

Brace yourself. This will be an overly dramatic entry. If you're not in the mood to read what's happening in my pathetic life, do yourself a favor: there's a little cross at the upper right corner of your screen. Just click that.

I lied when I said that I already let go of 4R. Seriously. It was just a front. Because honestly, I don't think I can ever let go of 4R. But like we always say, "It is by fate we met, by choice we became friends." But now it looks like it's not working that way anymore.

This makes me sad. I'm used to having three beautiful girls beside me during church service, COCs, Sunday School, in McDonald's, in pictures, in lakwatchas, overnights, etc. I'm going to miss all our crazy moments, those times when we would laugh about things, talk about crushes, eat a lot, cry about problems.. TOGETHER. I really thought we would see the fulfillment of each other's dreams TOGETHER. But it seems pretty elusive now. This is so hard and frustrating.

And because I've already created the habit of writing messages here in my blog, I'll do it again. First of all, Anding. Thank you. I really never thought you could forgive me, but you still did. I thank and love you for that, girl. I hope you know how much you mean to me. I want you to know that we're in this together. Micah, I know I haven't talked to you yet.. so, I would like to thank you for everything. I've known you for so long now, ever since we were in Kindergarten, right? I feel so blessed to have you. I love yah, sis. Krizsa, thanks for the promise that you will never leave me. Looks like things will really change now. I thank God for you. You will always be my bestfriend.. even if things will change. :'(

Over the past years, a lot of people have been asking me to describe the friendship of 4R. It's funny, but before I really didn't know how to describe it because it's my life.. It's with them. And now that we won't be together anymore, it's going to be hard.. but sometimes, the only way to hold on to something is to let it go.

Okay this is enough. *sniff*

nababaliw. literal yan. :)

2005-04-25T13:05:00.000-07:00

I think I should write about this. I'm going nuts! Haha. :))

I'm confused. I've been doing some crazy things lately. As y'all know, I'm trying to be level-headed and I've been wanting to set my priorities straight for SO LONG now. Well I guess I should try harder. I did something crazy and SO not like me! I didn't even see it coming! I was shocked. I'm surprised. I can't even believe I did that.

But I'm happy.. I know I made the right choice. I think it's time to come out of my shell because sooner or later, I'm know I'm bound to feel this way. I'm just scared of what might happen.

Buh-bye. Haha. Yun lang naman. Gusto ko lang mag-blog ng walang kwenta. Ang labo. :D

cry. scream. haha.

2005-04-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

I'm crying as I type this. Nyahaha.

Well anyway, I just came from church. My Mom wanted to have this mother-daughter bonding day so we ate lunch in this certain restaurant. I wasn't able to attend fellowship. Bummer. I don't know why but I really don't feel okay. By the time we were eating lunch [Half-eating, for that matter. I actually had no plans of touching my food, if it weren't for my Mom who insisted that I should eat. Bah!], I really didn't feel okay. I knew I had to text someone. The very first person that entered my mind was Pao. I actually don't know why it was him who entered my mind. No offense, Pao. Haha. Anyway, I texted him. I knew I had to talk to someone otherwise I might cry or something. Haha. After approximately 10 minutes, Pao called. I answered. While I was telling him how I feel, naputol yung line. Bummer.

I enjoyed my Mom's company, though. I guess I just have to understand why she's so strict. We actually had another fight last night. What can I say, I win the skirmishes but she wins the battles. Harhar.

I hope everything goes well. Hahahahahaha.

"no matter how far.. run for all your worth."

2005-04-21T12:25:00.000-07:00

I actually got that sentence from Battle Royale, the Japanese film my brother and I watched yesterday. It was REALLY astig. Obviously. Would I blog about it if I don't find it nice? It's now part of my "Favorite Asian Movies" list. Harhar. :)

Anyway.. a lot of things have been happening. I really don't think I should talk about it here, but.. there are things that make me feel bad RIGHT NOW. I am hurt, surprised, and most of all.. disappointed. That's all I can say.

But I'm blushing. Can you tell? Hay.. ewan! :D

hihi :)

2005-04-19T11:55:00.000-07:00

I just came from school.. :) I woke up still feeling a little feverish so I took some of my kuya's Extra Joss. Guess what? It worked! My music teacher said I seem to be a little hyper today. And he's right. I AM hyper. I will drink Extra Joss EVERYDAY for the rest of my life. Hehe. :D

Well anyway, I think I'm going to bond with Anding and Dana later. I haven't asked my Mom yet so I'm not sure. I don't know if she'll allow me. *Cross your fingers, everyone* :)

Gotta go. Just blogged to show how hyper I am. Harhar. :))

it's not everyday that a complete and total stranger tells you what to do

2005-04-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

I know I already posted an entry for today but I still decided to create another one because I really can't take what this certain person is doing. Well actually, he/she posted as ANONYMOUS and said some bad things to me. This is the FIRST and LAST time I will write to that person. Here's just what I have to say to him/her.

I don't know why you hate me so much, but you have no right to judge me. You don't know me personally, right? So how can you say all those mean things? And will you please stop telling me what to do? You don't know me. All you know is just the things I write in my blog. Even if I seem to write PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING in here, guess what? I DON'T. You don't know what's REALLY happening. You don't know the REAL Abbie Esguerra. So please. Stop judging me. Whoever you are, we don't have to be friends.. you can at least BE NICE. And guess what? I HAVE NO IDEA YOU WHO YOU ARE. I don't know anyone who can do this to me. Please stop bugging me. `Cause whatever you say or write, they affect me. And that's what makes it so bad. I get affected by these things. And also, I have the authority to delete all those messages you put in my Chatter. Okay. You can say EVERYTHING you want just as long as no one else reads it but me. You can e-mail me if you want. And you know what? I'm sure you have a Friendster account. Why don't you just write me there? By the way, thanks for all the nasty things you said. Someday.. it'll all come back to you. EVERYTHING.

Whooh. It feels good to let it all out. Hehe. :)

y speak and the women of my life

2005-04-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

I came across a very interesting show last night.

The title is Y Speak and if you're not a couch potato, you probably don't know what the show is about. Well basically, Y SPEAK is Studio 23's debate show that lets the youth speak their mind about current and relevant issues ranging from political, economic, social, religious and even showbiz. The show challenges stereotypes about the youth with an attitude that is sensible yet unapologetic, intelligent enough to empower not only the youth but the adult audience as well. The youth plays an active participation via live panel discussions or through texting their stand on an issue. Astig noh? Even my Mom was impressed. Last night's topic was about long-distance relationships. There's this guy whose name I forgot who was SO idealistic about it. Basta ang galing niya. I thought he was just a good-looking model whose brain is stuck in his biceps. :) Yun pala, he's really more than just a pretty face. Basta astig siya. I was super impressed with him because of his intellect.

Well anyway, my sister wrote something about 'the women in her life' and she asked me to do the same. Okay. Here goes nothing.

The first woman of my life is my mother. Everything I have become and everything I will be as a person I owe to her. She taught me everything. And without her, I wouldn't even be where I stand right now.

The next one is my sister. I don't know if she sees this, but I love her SO much. I also learned a lot from her. People may call her names, but what I always say, anyone who calls my sister a bitch is no less than a bitch herself.

Ah, yes. Bespwen is also one of the women of my life. Obviously. :)

Krizsa and Micah. Of course. :)

Marielle, my sister in soul. Well obviously, she has always been there for me. She never left my side. And I owe her a lot. I love yah, Yel. :)

Nicole, Juss, Arriane, Tin-Tin, Glesa, and April are also my super girls. Juss and Glesa are the only ones included in the pic though. Love `yah guys! :)

That's all. Harhar. :) I just wrote it because my sis forced me. Harhar. Kiddin`. :)

?

2005-04-17T15:24:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to start this entry. I've actually been staring at the monitor for 5 minutes and I still don't know what to write. I'm sleepy but I can't sleep. I'm hungry but I can't eat. Is this weird or what?

thank you! :)

2005-04-16T23:15:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. Hehehe.

Well anyway, I enjoyed my weekend with LC. If you want a blow-by-blow account on the whole overnight, read Andrea's blogs..

By the way, this entry is for THANKING PURPOSES. Harhar. I would just like to thank Anding for everything. [Bespwen, you have to read this! :D] You're right, Anding. I don't know what I've got `til it's gone. And I almost lost you! Now I know how much you mean to me. How much 4R means to me. And I promise, I will never do anything to hurt you again. EVER. Thanks for giving me a second chance.. I love 4R. Harhar. I love Krizsa because she makes me feel safe ALL THE TIME and also because she's such a great bestfriend. I love Micah because she cracks me up and SHE SOLVED OUR PROBLEM. And also because she's a great bestfriend, too. :) And of course, I love yah, Anding, because for 5 years you were able to put up with my ugali. Hahaha. :) Thanks for understanding me all the time na lang.. and for always making me feel that I can confide in you without ever being judged. And I know I will never be judged. Luv `yah! :))

Anyway.. ang drama ng paragraph sa taas! :) Pag-pasensyahan niyo na, may sakit e.. Haha! :)) I actualy have a problem right now. A BIG ONE. I don't know what I should feel. I can't sleep. Harhar.

Have to go.. bye! :))

alone in my world

2005-04-14T15:50:00.000-07:00

Totally. May sarili nga akong mundo these past few days. Harhar. :) I decided not to shut down this site because sayang naman. Moving would only be a total waste of time and energy. :))

Anding: May topak yung Chatterbox, hindi ako makareply sayo. :) Nakakapang-hinayang kasi.. I won't shut it down na lang muna.. I have so much memories na here e.. Sayang lang `pag binura. :) :'(

thoughts and goodbye

2005-04-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

Before I write my reasons, I have to write down my thoughts first.. otherwise I will surely breakdown. Hehe. Kiddin`. :) Pero true. Harhar! :)) For the first time, I will write in here how I truly feel about what's happening to 4R.

Last night I was finally able to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with my Mom, and I feel like she understands me better now, just as much as I understand her. There I was, crying my heart out, I said sorry for what felt like a million times, and the whole time she just embraced me. I NEVER FELT SO ACCEPTED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE DESPITE ALL MY FLAWS, FAULTS, AND IMPERFECTIONS [Well, besides God's arms.. Haha ang labo ko! :)]. Now I know that no matter what happens, my mother will always love and accept me despite the fact that I've been so stubborn and disobedient these past few months. She only wants what's best for me that's why she prohibited me from talking to this person I care for so much.. which brings me to another paragraph. :) Hahaha! :))

The person I never thought I would fall so hard for. I know, I know, I'm SO young pa.. But I'm sure.. I never felt this way before. Yuck ang mushy. Ewan ko ba. I'm so weird. Honestly, I'm scared. I have no control over my emotions. I get carried away too quickly kasi e.. I'M NOT EVEN SURE THIS PERSON FEELS THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME. I don't think the feeling's mutual. Pero you know, he makes me smile. As in. :) The first time I noticed nga na I'm falling for him na, this is what I asked God, "Lord, if this feeling isn't from You, please take it away. Don't let me fall for someone who isn't Your will after all. Don't let me give my heart to someone who will just break it.. I just want to spend my teenage years in serving and glorifying You." Ngayon, ewan ko na. I'm SO falling in love na yata e.. hindi ko na mapigilan. I CAN'T FREAKIN` HELP IT ANYMORE. I know I'm still WAY too young to feel this, but I really can't control it anymore. Darn. It actually frustrates me. SCARES ME, actually. Oops, should I even be blogging about this? I don't think so. I better stop na before I write something I shouldn't. :)

About 4R. Okay. I'll mention names na. Even if I know anyone can easily access my blogs.. anyway this will be my last entry. I guess I have to pour out every single emotion before I shut down this site. First, I just want to point out that I want to be a friend to all. And I want each and everyone who will be able to read this entry to know that there is absolutely no betrayal or malice in my heart. It has never been my intention to break someone's heart or to lose someone's trust. AND IF I DID, I'M SORRY. Really. I am. Can't you see? I already feel guilty as it is. I know it's all my fault. And there's absolutely nothing I can do or say to change the situation. [NOTE: Right now, the enemy is whispering these words to my ear: "You're damn right it's your fault. Are you stupid? You're the reason why this is happening. Stupid, stupid girl." Haha. Korney ko. Pero true. This is exactly what I feel. Harhar! :))] I know things will never be the same again. Pero ganon talaga e. Things change. And people do, too.

I just want to say something to Anding: I know you hate me right now. I know you don't trust me anymore. But I just want you to know that I never said anything against anyone and I never lied to you about anything. If you don't believe me, that's fine. I was kind of expecting it. But I want you to know that the level of friendship I have with you is different from that of Krizsa, or even Micah. You know why? 'Cause you're the BESTEST FRIEND I EVER HAD. You've been my bestfriend for 5 years already! I'm crying as I type this too, you know. It's hard. I know things will change now. But just like what I told you, I'll never let you go. And if things will never be the same again, then I guess.. I'll just have to accept that. Yun nga siguro yung repercussion ng ginawa ko. I'm sorry. Korney as it may sound, but I want you to know that you have been and will always be the #1 for me. There will never be "someone better". Because for me, you're the best I could ever have. I can't ask for anything more. I love you, bestfriend. And I hope you could forgive me.. when time comes. :'(

Micah: Thanks for everything! I thought talaga galit ka din sakin. I know, in a way, masama din loob mo.. but I can't blame you. I can't even forgive myself. Pero thanks parin. Right now, you're one of the people who make me smile. I'm sorry. And I thank you. :)

Krizsa: I really don't know what to say.. lahat yata ng THANK YOU nasabi ko na sayo! :) Pero you know, it will never be enough. Kasi you've helped me a lot. Thank you for being my defender and stuff. :D I'm looking forward to more happenings with you. Harhar. :))

Now I don't know what will happen after this entry. I'm sure it will just make the situation worse. But for now, I'm just gonna have to cross my fingers and ask God for guidance.

Like what I always say, "Sometimes, the only way to hold on to something, is to let it go." I guess I just have to let go of 4R. It seems unclear, but somehow, I know I'll be able to understand what it means to let go of something no matter how hard it is. I've already done it once, and honestly up to now I still don't know the significance of what I did. Slowly but surely, I know God will provide clear answers to all my questions.

A friend once told me, "When we lose something, we lose it for a reason. That reason might be hard to understand, but whatever it is, we just have to believe that God takes away when He has something better to give." [You know who you are.. thanks for all the help! May God bless you. :D *wink*] Maybe. Whatever happens, I'm just gonna have to surrender all my relationships to Him.

Okay. Here's the goodbye part. I won't be blogging for a pretty long time. I'll be busy with summer classes. I already enrolled for Theater Arts and Piano, and I'm sure I'm going to be busy. I won't be able to attend DVBS. Micah made me promise. Harhar. :) It's kind of sad because there's a big possibility that they're taking back our age group to HS2. And I won't be there.. darn. I never missed DVBS in my entire life. Promise. Haha. :))

Bye people. Happy summer. Nyahaha. :D

"when God whispers your name.."

2005-04-08T19:39:00.000-07:00

Got this selection from the book When God Whispers Your Name by Max Lucado.

"It's quiet. It's early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep. The day is coming. In a few moments the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by deadlines to be met and by decisions to be made. For the next 12 hours I will be exposed to the day's demands. It is now that I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I am free to choose. And so I choose.."

Now I can say that I really have no control over the situation, or, needless to say, my life. What I've learned over the past few years is that I just have to thank God in all circumstances, for this is His will for me in Christ Jesus. Whatever happens, I have no choice but to accept it.

Enough said. :'(

aww :(

2005-04-05T08:42:00.000-07:00

Something happened last night that I do not wish to narrate.. or even remember. One thing's for certain though. I'm sad as hell.

People think I'm snooty.. :( Is it because of my eyes? I really don't know. I think I need a major makeover.. but this time, I makeover my soul.

not that kind of girl

2005-04-04T14:13:00.000-07:00

As you all know, I'm obsessed with the newest kid on the RnB block, JoJo. :) I like this song of hers. Ahehehe. :))

NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL

Chorus:

I'm not your every day, around the way
Don't go bar-hoppin', chillin' on the block
On a cell phone frontin',
Never that, cuz I'm not that kinda girl
I need to know how you roll
And how you get down no drama
Money in the bank
Take me home and meet your mama
Can you handle that?
Cuz I'm that kinda girl
I'm that kinda girl

Boy you aint impressin' me
With your jewelry, your designer clothes
Or the games that you try to play
Think you need to know, I got my own
Dont need you for your dough
Hearin' me, maybe then we can flow, let me know
Make me smile, maybe we can chill
Keep it real, show me something I can feel
Cause I'm not your average ordinary type
Could you be that kinda guy I like?

[Chorus]

Everytime I be up at the spot, chilling with my crew
We'll be hanging out, get in a little late
You start bugging out
I dont think it's fair
You don't like the clothes I wear
How I do my hair
I don't really care
But it's not for you
And I aint got nothin' to prove
There cant be any us, if there can't be any trust
Nothin' to discuss, no doubt
I'm not that kinda girl to let you play me out

[Repeat Chorus]

BRIDGE:

You might take me shopping, but I'm not your property
If I dont like it, I decided
I can make it on my own
As long as we disagree to agree
Down for you and you're down for me
Baby I'm what you want and we can build a love so strong

"A singer. A songwriter. A prodigy. With just a few notes, she's made some of the most influential men and women in America stop in their tracks to find her, and meet her. She possesses a rare talent that has enchanted talk show hosts, celebrities, and audiences throughout the United States. And she's determined to take the music world by storm.."
- JoJo Online :)

Do you know why I like her so much? It's because she's so YOUNG yet so REAL. She just turned 14 last December 19! She really proved that age should never be a barrier in reaching your dreams. Wala lang. :D

my sister's blog! :D

2005-04-03T19:25:00.000-07:00

This entry is about my older sister. She wrote this entry on her 16th birthday. Actually ngayon ko lang nabasa. And I'll have to admit, it brought tears to my eyes. O sige na, mababaw nanaman ako.. Lagi naman e. :))

PART I:

it's 5:25 AM! and i slept at 2 AM..

i wouldn't tell you blow by blow bUt here's a brief summary of what happened..
My dad, he died.. i didn't know the reason,, bsta one morning somebody told me lang na he's dead na nga daw.. God, in my dream, those 3 whole hours, i was crying talaga.. But when i suddenly came to realize na t'was only a dream, i woke up, hoping i would stop crying.. so i woke up.. but the feeling was still there.. tears began to fall again..
i cried a lot till i never knew what to do anymore.. all i knew that time, is that it hurts so bad..
PART II:
So i thought of writing it, hopin the feeling would change.. but it didn't.. it still hurt like hell! tears came falling again..
so i ran to my mom.. she was outside.. she embraced me and said "hindi.. hindi anak.. hindi pa sha kukunin.. Lord knows ur dad's not ready yet.." then i went back to my rOom..
i didn't know what the feeling was until the Lord showed me.. i never realized that i would be so weak, believing i was strong.. the Lord really has ways for us people to realize things.. very unexplainable.. now i know im just as helpless as a baby, im hurting till now..
i was not doing a good job in being a child to my mom and dad.. but what the Lord showed me, would always leave a mark in my heart, helping me to become a better daughter..
there's so much God wants everyone of us to realize.. even how small it is..
i guess this is the best birthday gift i recieved this year.. i couldn't ask for more.
fOr my ParenTs..
i'm sorry for not living up to your expectations.. i promise to do my best & be more resposible and loving..
thank u for loving me unconditionally and for accepting me for who i am.. thanks for standing up for me and believing in me no matter what..

i love you, too, mom and dad..
you may never read this, but i want the whole world to know how much the both of you mean to me..

i love you both so much and i'm willing to lay my life for you..

Aww.. so sweet, right? :)

engrish.. hehe! :)) * and pope john paul ii

2005-04-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

Andrea showed me this website when I slept at her house. We laughed so hard at the pictures. Hahaha! :))

No seriously..

NOTE: This is one of our favorites.. Hahaha! :D

Such a dude, our lord..

NOTE: We also love this one! :))

Refrigerated for your convenience..

Hay.. Ang sama ko talaga noh? Wala na kasi ko masulat na matino e. Kahit nga mag-english, so freakin` nakakatamad na.. :))

07:16

Oh my.. I can't believe this. Someone texted me that Pope John Paul II is gone.. I didn't believe it at first because I really don't watch the news. But when I read people's blogs, it ocurred to me.. he's gone na nga. This is so depressing. Sige, sabihin na nating I'm not Catholic. Pero I'm badly affected talaga and I don't know why! Kanina I asked my mom kung sa heaven siya mapupunta. She answered me this, "Anak, siguro there was a time in his life na tinanggap niya si Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. Siguro sa sobrang pagbabasa niya ng Bible, he came across the verse 'For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life. (Romans 6:23)' So maybe."

Hay.. this is so sad.

thanks! :D

2005-04-02T14:50:00.000-08:00

*BIG SMILE HERE* I would like to thank Mimay for creating this very pretty animated pic! :) Thanks girl! :) This means so much to me. You really ARE the princess of computers! It's proven na e.. hehe. Awabshu! :D

girl zone.. i hate it.

2005-04-01T17:01:00.000-08:00

I hate the girl pictures and I hate the navigation ek-ek. The only reason I chose this layout from Blogskins is because of the clock. Check it out. Hehe. :)) Actually nakokornihan nga ako sa itsura e. Ang sagwa. I was desperate lang talaga. Andami kong reklamo. Na-publish na e. Hehe. Buh-bye again. :))

5:39 PM

After I disconnected, I listened to this certain song that made me feel so senti so I decided to write on my diary. I just want to share a part of it. THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME I WILL POST SOMETHING KORNI HERE, I PROMISE. :) You don't have to read it naman e. I just felt like sharing. Ahihi. Here it is:

"Should I pretend like it doesn't matter? Should I pretend that being alone all summer has no effect on me whatsoever? To the world, yes, that's what I have to convey. Can't very well go around admitting that you're harboring some weird resentment. What difference does it make to me anyway? I'm a little more alone this summer than I'd like to be after a year of conflicting relationships and non-relationships. I never expected to be here, alone, all summer. But I guess the world is full of surprises. But I can't help letting those fond memories of the not so distant past affect me.. even if I only admit that here."

Wala lang, papansin. Ahehe. :)) `Pag nag-bago isip ko I might erase it din. Ang labo. Hehe.

broken sonnet

2005-03-31T19:35:00.000-08:00

BROKEN SONNET
by Hale

And now I concede
On the night of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And in this next line
I'll say it all over again
That I love you, I love you.

I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do
`Cause tonight I'll leave my fears behind
`Cause tonight I'll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.

The clock on the TV says 8:39 PM
It's the same, it's the same
And in this next line
I'll say it all over again
That I love you, I love you.

I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do
`Cause tonight I'll leave my fears behind
`Cause tonight I'll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.

I'll leave my fears behind
`Cause tonight I'll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.

But still I see the tears from your eyes
Maybe I'm just not the one for you.

Very nice song, don't you think? Not to mention that their vocalist is so freakin` gorgeous. Hehe. :) And come to think of it, not all mainstream pinoy rock bands get the idea of making a song using a sonnet. :) I am now a big fan of Hale. Ang feeling noh? :))

I just got home from the sleepover. Andrea and I slept at 6 AM and woke up at around 10:30 AM. We weren't able to sleep because we had to talk about a lot of things. By the time we were eating lunch [or brunch, for that matter] we were ZOMBIES. We were both sleepy and I couldn't focus on the films we were watching. The Swan Princess is oh-so kilig. :))

I really want to sleep now but I'm waiting for someone to appear in YM. Would you believe that I've been staring at the Yahoo! Messenger Window for 15 minutes just waiting for that certain person to arrive? Well if you don't, believe it. :)) [Whatever Corney! :D] You see, we were supposed to meet half an hour ago but that person still isn't online. Man, this is so frustrating.

Buh-Bye. :))

my sassy girl

2005-03-30T22:23:00.000-08:00

"Fate is building a bridge of chance for the one you love."

I'm here in Andrea's house! :) I'm going to sleep here for tonight. We watched My Sassy Girl and it was SO nice! People from school already told me about it but I wasn't very looking forward to watching it kasi nga korean. So bottom line, I judged it agad. I SO ate my words. :) Ang ganda-ganda nung film! And I couldn't believe it when Andrea told me that it was based from a true story. Man, it was so heart-warming.

A lot of things have been happening recently.. oh life. It's not nice. -- according to Icy. Haha! :))

I have to go now.. :) Tomorrow I'll write here the questions that formulated in my mind after watching the movie. See `ya! :)

picnic and circle c

2005-03-30T13:18:00.000-08:00

First of all, I would like to greet my friend and sistah in Christ JUSTINE a belated happy birthday! Happy birthday, mare! :) Miss Charmin`! Ahehe..

The picnic last Monday was fun. It was the last bonding of our class as a section but everyone made sure that we were going to have fun. :) Here are some of the pictures taken from my phone because I still have to scan the real pictures..

Birthday Girl and I. :)

Androw, also known as the vain guy, wanted to have his crazy solo pic taken. Feeling! :)

With Ayhiee. :)

With Glesa, my equally vain friend. :)

The pika-pika foods. Wala pa yung lechon niyan! :) Haha!

Yesterday naman I went to Circle C with Nicole, Justine, Arriane, Glesa, Tin-Tin, and April. We had our picture taken in Picture City. I'll post them here after I finish scanning them. :)

easter sunday with 4R :)

2005-03-27T19:35:00.000-08:00

I celebrated Easter Sunday with Andrea and Krizsa. :) Micah wasn't able to come so I missed her. :( She was still with us during service, though. :)

We spent the day at McDonald's and Ery's house [just visit her site for pictures! :D]. She tutored Huggie in Math and I was just staring at them. :) I thought I was only going to teach her about Biology but Ery ended up tutoring her in that subject anyway. Hehe. :)

I'm feeling kind of aggravated and I don't know why. I don't know why I let small things bother me these past few days. I'm having a hard time understanding people who mean the world to me. People who know what's best for me. But if the things they want are really what's BEST FOR ME, then how come I'm having a hard time obeying them because IT HURTS? Well, life is, according to Icy, ANPER. :))

And also, there's another thing that kind of bothers me. I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I have no control over the situation. That whatever the cost, it will happen. And it might ruin one of my relationships. AND THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. Well, I'm just preparing myself for whatever will happen. As Ery put it, "IT WILL COME AND IT WILL COME." Hay.. Man, this feeling sucks. I HATE IT! I'm nervous about what will happen in the future. I'm already paranoid as it is! :)

It's II-B's picnic tomorrow and I'm so freakin` excited! :)) I'm really looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to spending time with my adviser and with my classmates, of course. I'M SO EXCITED! Hahaha! :))

mellow mode

2005-03-26T18:00:00.000-08:00

I know not for which fate is worse: to have not opened my heart at all or to have loved and lost someone as I did. There is one thing I know though. Loving him was a sweet misery. I loved him as I love life itself, but I was certain that I would never be in his arms for he longs to hold another. I have resigned to the fact that I shall be with him only in my dreams. He once came into my loneliness and stirred the passion in my heart from its disturbed slumber. He was the beautiful sun, which rose for me on that beautiful morning of a new day of my life. His existence was enough reason for me to be born and entrusted to this void we call our world. I was hurt, maybe I still am. I thought I would never fall in love again. I was scared and lost my trust in love because it brought me nothing but despair. I knew that the glory of that morning would not last. For it must give way to nighttime, when the beautiful sun, which had heralded the coming of a new day, would become my pitiless tormentor. My affection for him then was my own passion. He was my cruel tyrant. It is now my desire to be strong, to never allow my heart to be broken again. Silly how he came barging in and while I refuse to open, I detrimentally failed to shut the door. Well perhaps loving him was like writing poetry: creating a thing of beauty, a heart's song, yet a song I was afraid to sing, for my balled might be mocked and my love rejected. Nonetheless, life itself is short and passing. No matter what happened, I have learned not to let my song to the grave. I can only be nothing but hopeful. Maybe my love for him will someday fade with the setting of the sun. But until such time when I will no longer be a slave of my own passion, I shall continue to master the art of letting go. There can be nothing more apt than this.

holy week

2005-03-25T17:17:00.000-08:00

"But He was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. The punishment that brought our peace was on Him; and by His wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

"But God demonstrates His own love towards us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

It's Good Friday today and I remember exactly one year ago, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my family [which, by the way, made me cry]. :) God's love is just amazing, isn't it? :D

March 26

I'm not in the mood to create a new entry so I decided to edit this one. :) It's already Black Saturday and I'm kind of bored.

Last night I was able to bond with Anding and Chutty. At first we just talked about some issues regarding Ery. Huggie claims she has no issues at all so we weren't able to discuss her predicament. [Hey Chut! I think I'm fallin`, fallin` in love with you.. Haha! :D] When the conversation turned to The Da Vinci Code, Chutty left us for some reason so Andrea and I were left on the phone. We talked about the book and some of the possibilities that it may be true. Well, I'll have to admit that I got scared even if my Mom assured me a million times that the book is nothing but blasphemy. Talking to my brother made me even more scared about the whole thing. You see, my brother is really, really SMART. So smart that I believe practically EVERYTHING he says. He said that you can't say it's blasphemous unless you've read the whole thing. We even ended up discussing Freemasonry [did I spell it correctly?]. Man, it was weird. REALLY weird. And he didn't recommend Holy Blood, Holy Grail for me because he said heavy reading daw. He claims he doesn't believe it, but he's not closing his doors either. He's just open to knowing new things.

I'm already rooted to what I believe in. And I believe that Jesus Christ walked on this earth to redeem us. Holy Week just reminds me of how Christ died for me. I promise I won't be vulnerable when I read books like The Da Vinci Code and The Templar Revelation because the enemy might use it against me. You know, to weaken my faith in God. I guess I'll just be reading these books for intellectual purposes. Hay, I'm scared.. :)

school's over.. goodbye, II-B :(

2005-03-23T11:13:00.000-08:00

"SOMETIMES, THE ONLY WAY TO HOLD ON TO SOMETHING.. IS TO LET IT GO." :(

Got that one from my sis. Seems like my blog has turned into a website for quotations. Haha! :))

I miss school already. And for sure, I'm gonna be missing II-B. For ten months, we shared laughter, KULITANS, pain, heartaches, etc. :) Stuff that most people don't understand. What happens when you put 32 teenagers in one room.. chaos? Probably. Puro kulitan? Most likely. But those moments will always stay with me. For sure, it's gonna be hard for me to let go. Especially when I've learned to love each and everyone of them. It will be so hard that I won't be able to adjust properly next school year. :(

Me with Juss and Gleng.

With Nicole.

A bunch of boys. Not all of these guys are Barerrans but most of them are. :)

Anjo, Androw, and Carl.

Everyone in tow. :)

Hay.. I'm gonna be missing my classmates. :) And most especially Miss Barrera. She's my second mom na, e. And if there's anyone na talagang umalalay sakin during the most difficult situations, siya yun. :) `Till here na lang. I don't know what else to write anymore e. :D

sick

2005-03-20T05:50:00.000-08:00

I just came back from Tarlac. I just realized that there's no place like home. Hehe. :) I'm burning with fever as I type this. `La lang. :D

I'll go na. I'm really not in the mood to think of something to write. And besides, I should probably take a nap. :)

sps recognition day

2005-03-16T18:22:00.000-08:00

I have to make this short. I'm not allowed to surf the net right now.

St. Patrick School celebrated its 37th anniversary today. The school set up a fair, actually. It's okay. :)

Recognition Day was also held today. I wasn't in the honor roll because I still don't have the 3-year loyalty. Next year daw, pwede na. And a lot of teachers told me na may laban and potential daw. Hay, we'll see. I still got two special awards though. BEST IN CREATIVE WRITING AND MUSIC. :) I wasn't expecting to get an award but I still did. My mom was very happy and proud which means it's another one point for us. Praise God. :)) [To those who can't relate, sorry.]

Ery and I were able to talk again yesterday. The things she said very much cleared my mind, but I must admit that I still don't know what to do. Even if I've been praying hard, I'm still confused. I always ask God to direct me and give me enough wisdom and a good judgment. I SO don't know what to do anymore.

stupid song.. grr. :)

2005-03-13T05:54:00.000-08:00

FOUR SEASONS OF LONELINESS
by Boyz II Men

I long for the warmth of days gone by
When you were mine
But now THOSE DAYS ARE MEMORIES IN TIME
Life's empty without you by my side
My heart belongs to you
No matter what I try

When I get the courage up to love somebody new
It always falls apart 'COZ THEY JUST CAN'T COMPARE TO YOU
Your love won't release me I'm bound under ball and chain
Reminiscing our love
As I watch four seasons change

In comes the winter breeze that chills the air and drifts the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe
When springtime makes it's way here lilac blooms remind me of the scent of your perfume
When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you
Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do
When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare
When you're not here
It doesn't feel the same

Remember the nights when we closed our eyes
And vowed that you and I will be in love for all time
Any time I think about these things I shared with you
I BREAKDOWN AND CRY 'COZ I GET SO EMOTIONAL
Until you release me I'm bound under ball and chain
Reminiscing our love
As I watch four seasons change

In comes the winter breeze that chills the air and drifts the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe
When springtime makes it's way here lilac blooms remind me of the scent of your perfume
When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you
Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do
When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare
When you're not here
IT DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME

This loneliness has CRUSHED MY HEART
Please let me love again
'Cos I need your love to comfort me and ease my pain
Or four seasons will bring the loneliness again

In comes the winter breeze that chills the air and drifts the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe
When springtime makes it's way here lilac blooms remind me of the scent of your perfume
When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you
Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do
When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare
When you're not here

REMEMBER THE WARMTH OF DAYS GONE BY..