She's I-POD-Less! :) // * Girl-Next-Door

The Girl

Anna Bettina Alonzo Esguerra.
120990. Patrician. HS Junior. Narcissist. Damsel in distress. Self-proclaimed weirdo. Believes she is a real princess because her Father in heaven is the King of all kings. Girl-next-door. Typical teen. Fun-loving yet cautious. Musician. Dreams big. Wants to go out and see the world. Loves taking pictures and documenting special moments. Hopelessly and passionately in love with music. Idolizes 14-year-old JoJo. Princess of the eye bags. Writer. Book worm. A fan of JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis. Blog dork. Friendster addict. Coffee bum. Camera chic. Lives in Tree Hill and Capeside. Modern-day Juliet. Spunky. Complex. Loves heart-warming talks with people. Scared of being badly wounded. Never been in love.. not that kind of girl. Has enough conviction for waiting `till the right moment. Has an entire history of running away. Dwells into a dark infinity when situation calls for it. Shy and aloof. Struggling. Has a feeling of restriction. Cannot fly but not content to crawl. Suspended with a broken past and a future that isn't so appealing. Seeking the truth. Has enough capacity for human kindness. Dislikes too much violence and excessive humidity. Expressive. Sweet [?]. Has a tendency to be very emotional. Biggest weakness: decision-making. Elusive dream: pure bliss. Vulnerable - it's easy to make me laugh, cry, etc. Grounded - family and friends are most important. Sheltered and guarded. Mommy and Daddy's little princess. Smiles like nothing's wrong, talks like everything's perfect, and pretends it's doesn't hurt.. even when it does. Less than complete. With trembling feet and a broken heart, still found a way to cross over - from darkness to light. Fired up for Christ. Like Clay in the hand of the Potter. Held and guided by the Hand that molds her.. GOD. :)
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Free My Soul

Monday, July 18, 2005

gibberish thoughts

Got kind of bored so I just decided to update my blog. Yeah, you guys are right. I WILL NEVER EVER STOP BLOGGING NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I SAY I WILL.. man, I'm such an addictus. :D

Anyway.. I'm absent from school today because I just came back from Tarlac. Uncle Bayani Bautista died last week. Gawd, when we went there, we realized how prominent and high-profile he REALLY is. And to think that he's really humble and down-to-earth! At first glance you wouldn't think he's super yaman kasi he's just very simple `pag manamit. He's my Grandpa's first cousin sa Father's side. From what my Grandma and Mom told me, the two of them were very close eversince they were young. Yung tipong kay Papa Lolo nagpapagawa ng love letters noon si Uncle Bay. I guess that's why my Grandpa's really affected. I mean, who wouldn't be, right? If you lose your bestfriend, what WOULD you feel? They grew up together. My Grandpa's not supposed to feel bad because of his heart condition nga. Buti hindi na siya naiyak lalo. I'm actually very proud of him for being strong. All of us got worried about him.

Got pics by the way:

Chut and I last Sunday. :)

Kami ni Pakner. :D

On our way to the Cemetery. My tears just finished falling by that time. *wink* I can't believe I still managed to smile. Oh well. We all know that behind those smiles are.. okay I'll stop talking. *wink again*

Anyway..

Obviously, my layout's new. I was listening to Life House's You and Me while browsing through Blogskins. I was looking for a JoJo lay and when I couldn't find any, I got desparate and so I typed the keyword LIFEHOUSE. I found this and I decided to use it. Hahaha. :D So much for the walang ka-kwenta kwentang kwento. You know, this song reminds me so much. My gawd, what am I talking about? Should I even be blogging about this? I just NEVER learn..

But in a way, I feel happy. I am SO free from pain and animosity. I feel so GOOD knowing that I don't have to worry about anyone eating their lunch or sleeping at the right time. I feel so free from all negativity and resentment. But I know this is for the best. God has a purpose and a plan. He has a reason why He put me in this circumstance. How I wish I could have my Mom's mindset. She has always been very optimistic about everything. I've been reading my friends' blogs and Meemay's caught much of my attention. This is an excerpt from her dramatic-yet-so-true entry. "why is it that my heart keeps on betraying me? all this time i presumed i was moving in into that realm of wellness, but little did i know i was actually dwelling in a labyrinth of lies. my heart made me believe i was totally over him.. the old feeling keeps on haunting me now.. it makes me long for him again.." [My gawd, Meems, kailangan bang mag-blog nang ganyan?! Tamang-tama naman ako.. Haha! Joke! Omigosh sis, we're on the same ground! Magka-damay tayo! Love yah, sistah! :) *hugs and kisses*] Just like Meemay, my heart keeps on betraying me too. One minute I'm totally and completely over him and the next I find myself wanting to text him. Jeez. So much for the would-be oblivion.

Bahala na.

OH WELL by Boyz II Men

Since you've been gone I've been lonely
Longing to be with you only
Maybe there is still a way I can find you and say
Just how I feel..
I can't believe that's it's over
Wish somehow I could have showed her
All that was inside of my heart instead of playing the games
You might have stayed
Funny just the other night I was thinking
I wonder if you ever think about me
I call you on the phone, there's no answer
Oh well, there's still tomorrow
Oh well, I'll try again
Oh well, maybe just maybe..
Since you've been gone I've been lonely
Longing to be with you only
If there's a way I could beg you to stay would you please
Stay with me?
I was thinking maybe I could come over
Hoping we could finally work this out
Even if tonight we don't find an answer
Oh well, there's still tomorrow
Oh well, I'll try again
Oh well, maybe just maybe..
If I had another chance
We would stand hand in hand
You'll be my girl and I'll be your man
Oh well, maybe just maybe we can..
I still call you on the phone still no answer
Maybe later on I'll try one more time
Or am I just a fool to keep trying?
Oh well, there's still tomorrow
Oh well, a fool's what I am
Oh well, maybe just maybe..
Oh well, there's still tomorrow
Oh well, I'll try again
Oh well, maybe just maybe..
See if I got down on my knees and gave you every little part of me..
Since you've been gone I've been lonely..

Remember the warmth of days gone by..

Girl-Next-Door
@ 9:42 AM